Satya Leaders Series: What it Means to Be an Authentic Leader

Debra Maldonado  02:23

When we say deception, many people think, “I’m not deceptive.” But how many times have you deceived yourself with a wrong understanding of who you are and what’s possible in your life, even what’s showing up in your world. We’re going to dig into that. I hear “authenticity” a lot. I’ve heard this described as “I’m going to share my true feelings. I’m going to be vulnerable. You triggered me, I’m going to tell you why that hurt me.” That’s very courageous to express your feelings. But it isn’t true authenticity. It’s a step toward it but you’re still operating from ego. You’re still thinking, “That person did something to me, I need to speak my truth.” We’re going to talk about this with the shadow work, you don’t know if it’s really true or what you’re perceiving in this situation is true. The quote you told me years ago, I’m probably going to botch it up: “Cuando hablamos nos entendemos”. It means when we speak, we understand each other. It’s a good first step, I’m not saying it’s wrong or bad. It’s a good first step to have a conversation with someone instead of being in your own head. But the next level is something more profound.

Robert Maldonado  03:47

From the Jungian perspective, what we’re working with, most of us, when we set out to start up a practice or a business or get a corporate leadership position, we’re working with our persona. There’s nothing wrong with a persona, it helps us establish ourselves in the world, gives us an identity, a way of identifying ourselves. But Jung says it’s a mask. It’s not the authentic you, that’s the role you’re playing.

Debra Maldonado  04:21

Even if you have this inner voice and you’re thinking, “I’m gonna make that inner voice external, that’s authentic.” That inner voice is also the ego.

Robert Maldonado  04:31

It’s the ego. The ego is very much about self. It’s always measuring us in relation to others. It’s very good at not only physical survival, but social survival. Where am I in the packing order? What’s my status? How do I appear to others? All that the ego is continuously feeding back to us and giving us a sense of that.

Debra Maldonado  05:02

The assumptions the ego is making are based on the past. We get trained by the way our parents responded to things, or siblings, or peers. Then we think that’s just the way the world is, this is how to react, this is how to respond. Depending what culture you have, sometimes some cultures are very affectionate, other cultures are like, “Let’s keep everything conservative, let’s not show our feelings.” There’s a lot of different variations to a person’s personal experience. There’s about 8 or 9 billion people now, we have 9 billion different interpretations of what reality is right now.

Robert Maldonado  05:41

In the work setting, for leaders, entrepreneurs, and people in corporate settings, it’s limiting because you’re bringing all that personal history to the room, into the team setting. That’s very limiting it. You might be, of course, brilliant, and a great person, there’s nothing wrong with a persona. But again, it’s limiting because you’re only able to see things through the lens of that persona, that mask of that role you’re playing as persona individual. What the Eastern philosophy says as well as Jung, you have to integrate the unconscious content, the conditioning that is in the unconscious, you have to make it conscious so that you’re aware of it. By being aware of it, you’re able to master it, it no longer dictates to you how things are going to play out. But you’re able to use it in a creative way.

Debra Maldonado  06:51

Here’s a good example of that, because it’s high concept, I’m going to bring it down. Let’s say you love the fact that you’re a giver, you love to give, you’re giving, but people that constantly take or ask for more, you get triggered. You’re wondering why people aren’t appreciative of all your giving, you think the giver is who you really are, you identify as the giver, that’s who I am, that’s my authentic self. But actually, probably not, it’s probably an aspect of your conditioning. You felt somewhere down the line that by giving and being over giving you help people not be mad at you or make people like you. We have this idealistic version of ourselves that we’re such a giver, so generous. We have to question: is it authentic? Or is it me giving to get loving, to be loved? What is it about? That’s what we’re talking about the shadow. Are those people that show up and trigger us, the non-givers, the takers? Why aren’t we allowed to receive? So many people that are giving and kind have a really hard time receiving. It’s about who is the authentic you? Are you the giver? Are you the taker? Or are you something else?

Robert Maldonado  08:27

For the giver, what would be in their shadow?

Debra Maldonado  08:33

A taker, someone who takes, someone who is unkind, someone who withdraws help or service. A lot of our clients are in the service industry, they’re coaches or consultants. We go into this career because we’re natural givers, or conditioned givers, I should say, not natural. It comes natural and easy for us. We can go on and just do that. But eventually it’s going to get exhausting, we’re gonna get triggered by all the people that show up that take from us and don’t appreciate it. Then it becomes very draining. It’s the cause of stress, it’s a cause of anger, all this stuff happens. On top of that we think we’re a giver, we are a good person, we can’t be angry. Then we’re stuck in a very finite way of operating in the world. Authenticity is not finite. Authenticity is infinite.

Robert Maldonado  09:30

What’s going on psychologically for the giver there is that the receiving or the ability to receive is in the unconscious mind, they can’t see it. To them, it threatens the persona of the giver. Therefore, it’s pushed into the unconscious mind.

Debra Maldonado  09:53

Which is about dualism, you can’t be one thing without the other, and non-dualism, you integrate both sides of the coin to create something new.

Robert Maldonado  10:03

By integrating the shadow, Jung says, you become more whole in the sense that you’re able to hold the tension between these opposing elements of your personality but also to transcend them, you’re able to go beyond them, which means it’s a creative process, you’re able to decide beyond the giving and receiving duality, to use your intelligence, your creativity in a powerful way, given the situation, the circumstances you’re in. You’re very much in the present moment instead of reliving the past.

Debra Maldonado  10:43

A leader would examine the underlying drive for giving. Why do I have to give here? You’ll notice you’re off balance. If you’re triggered by people that constantly take from you, you’re not really a giver. You’re triggered by people who take because that’s basically what you attract, a giver attracts takers. By examining the drive and the compulsion to give, we start examining “Do I want to give in this moment or do I not? Can I receive? Can I let someone take care of me for a minute?” Basically, you’re allowing yourself to be both sides of the coin. In that moment of truth, when you truly give and not doing it out of ego, it feels true, you’re acting in truth. “Sat” means truth, “ya” means to be, to act. You’re acting in truth. That only comes after shadow integration, you can’t get it anywhere else.

Robert Maldonado  11:44

One last thing before we move on, what happens within groups, within teams, within relationships is that even if you’re genuine, if you believe you’re the role that you’re playing, the persona, the other person, even though they might not be aware of it, their unconscious mind is picking up that you’re playing a role. It’s not really you, it’s like your agent or representative, you’re putting forth this face, this mask, like Jung says. It’s not the real you, therefore, there’s an undercurrent of mistrust. Real trust can only come about when you’ve integrated your shadow, you’ve accepted your dark aspects or the aspects you’ve pushed away, and integrated them into your conscious awareness, then real, genuine, authentic connection can occur.

Debra Maldonado  12:51

It feels very grounded too because now it’s your choice versus your compulsion. It’s your true desire versus the ego’s desire.  I find that a lot of people, I’m a former recovering giver, I do give a lot, but I used to do it so people wouldn’t be mad. How many of you who listen right now do something because someone’s complaining about it? Or you feel like you’re gonna disappoint someone versus something you really want to do? For me, it’s so hard to say no when someone asked for something. It could be something innocent, but you really don’t want to do it. The best thing an authentic leader can do is say no. Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s more authentic than you just going along and saying “But my true self is very giving” and you get yourself caught up. The ego loves to use our spiritual work and our personal growth work as a way to strategize with us and be like “You’re such a giver, such a humanitarian,” it uses all your language that you’re learning and whatever personal growth or spiritual growth you’re doing to disguise itself as “This is the right way.” You have to watch out for it because it’s pretty sneaky.

Robert Maldonado  15:08

This sets the groundwork for authentic, genuine leadership in all capacities for entrepreneurs, for business leaders as well as relationships. Like we were saying, just a genuine relationship with another person. But for teams this is very powerful because from the Eastern point of view, this is non-duality in a nutshell. Non-duality sees everyone and everything as an extension of yourself, the true self within you, there is no distinction. Philosophically, just understanding that principle and practicing it will then lead you to see your team members, your customers, your potential clients as part of yourself. You’re not treating them as strangers, as agents to be manipulated, as anything outside of yourself. You see them as an aspect of yourself. That perspective is very powerful for leaders and for teams as well.

Debra Maldonado  16:32

When you’re seeing the extension, it’s the same thing. A leader sometimes feel they have to over give to their team. Again, is it coming from your authentic self? Or is it coming from your need to be known as the best leader? We all have that “I have the best team”, “I’m the greatest boss”, “The World’s Greatest Boss”, you see those mugs. You want to be that so you have to bend yourself to be that greatest boss. In your mind, you think that means overgiving, or doing things, or taking on work you shouldn’t be doing, or not keeping your team up to their goals and letting them slide too much. All those things come into play. If you think about it from a business standpoint, you not doing your shadow work, you not understanding who your authentic self is, is going to cost you a lot of money. One year, I looked up how many free bonuses I gave out to our students because I felt bad that they were spending a lot of money. It was that unconscious “I don’t deserve to be abundant” thing I was working on. It was over $100,000 of free programs that they probably would have bought. They felt overwhelmed by getting all these things. Why did I feel so guilty asking for more? Overpaying people that shouldn’t be paid or letting them get away with things and not delivering, hiring the wrong people, not being specific about what they need to do to make the business run, all those things. Many times we try to be the good boss, the world’s best boss, get that mug, then we don’t want to be the authoritarian and be not liked. Whether you’re in the leadership role in your own business or in a corporation, this can come into play. I’ve been in the corporate world for many years before I did this. The opposite is the person who does not want to please at all, the person who’s hardcore, doesn’t even have compassion because they’re so driven by the the bottom line. You can have the opposite too, that’s not authentic either. It’s this grinding your team to the ground. You see this a lot with companies where people are overworked, underpaid, under appreciated. The company just tosses them aside and says “We’re laying 2,000 people off this month”, there’s no compassion. We do need that authentic leadership in both corporate and small businesses because we’re the bread and butter of the country, around our world, we have to have a living and take care of our families. If we’re not feeling good at work, we’re not going to feel good for our family and show up for them. It’s more than just your team. It’s more than just work. It’s your whole life.

Robert Maldonado  19:52

That’s a good point. Just because we practice non-duality, doesn’t mean we just let everything go. What it does though, it liberates you because you’re not operating from your past conditioning. It liberates your creative mind to work for win-win-win situations where everyone wins. There’s nothing stopping us from doing that. It’s simply thinking about how we can make deals, how we can structure businesses, how we can enact programs where everyone wins, where people get what they need and the company gets what they need. Everyone wins from that structure and inspired work.

Debra Maldonado  20:51

You always said to me when I was working on my pleasing disease that I hurt people if I just over give, because I’m teaching my clients that you just have to give, you can’t have boundaries. That’s not healthy either. If someone is mad because you kept a boundary, it’s an opportunity for them to grow. Why are you triggered about this? Why me saying no, what is coming up for you? It gives the other person an opportunity to free their own mind. Being kind and bulldozing through the discomfort, putting beautiful pink roses around everything isn’t really helping anyone grow. The strongest team— in a relationship too, our relationships, relationship with our kids. It’s all about growth. Growth isn’t always comfortable. It’s not always just being happy. Sometimes those challenges really take away our rough edges and question who we really are. That’s really a great opportunity.

Robert Maldonado  22:03

I think just seeing the interconnectedness of everything and everyone you work with gives you a bigger perspective that you’re not just out for the bottom line, it’s more about using your creativity to create businesses and even institutions that serve everyone. I always think of businesses like these social machines that we create and bring into the world. They’re very powerful. We want to use the right philosophies in creating these social machines because they’re going to outlive us. If we create great businesses, they’re going to be around way beyond the time we’re here. We got to make it count. These philosophies serve as foundational principles that we can use to guide our creative process.

Debra Maldonado  23:10

I love that interconnectedness that you say because we’re connected. When you’re looking at your team, whether you’re looking at your clients, whether you’re looking at your family, your colleagues, they’re all a reflection of your mind. They’re all the dark and light of your own mind. They’re right there in front of you, your unconscious mind is right there in front of you. It’s to be curious about what’s bothering us or why we admire a certain person. Is it because we don’t feel like we have that capacity, or the jealousy of someone who’s successful? Is that because I really don’t feel I can be successful? It’s not right or wrong, we’re going to have these feelings of guilt, jealousy, anger, fear, grief, happiness, joy. It’s like to examine it a little further of what these underlying experiences in the human condition are saying about ourselves, how we see the world, to be curious about them versus just locking them into a positive or negative column and moving away from the negative and only propping up the positive.

Robert Maldonado  24:20

In this series, we want to continue to talk about emotions, leadership styles, archetypal elements, dreams, how entrepreneurs can use dreams in their inspirational work. If you’re a mom, you’re a solopreneur, an independent coach, you have a team, or building a business, hopefully some of these concepts will help you.

Debra Maldonado  24:52

It’s well-needed in the leadership space. We’ve been watching what’s out there, and a lot of it is very practical, “look at your life, put it in a pie chart, see where you’re not giving attention”, very conscious, some great research behind it. But it doesn’t get into the unconscious. It doesn’t allow someone to transcend the ego. That’s what we want to do. We want to take it a step further and help the leader evolve into their true self, their Satya nature. We’re really excited about the series. We have a couple more announcements coming soon. Stay tuned to the podcast, find out about our new ebook that’s coming out, and a new workshop that we’re revealing around this topic. If this is what you’re interested in, stay tuned because we’ll be announcing that shortly. Thank you all for joining us. It’s been a very insightful conversation as always. We look forward to bringing more of this content to you next week. 

Robert Maldonado  25:59 

See you soon. 

Debra Maldonado  26:00 

Take care. Bye bye. 

OUTRO  26:02 

Thank you for joining us. Don’t forget to subscribe to CreativeMind Soul Sessions. Join us next week as we explore another deep topic where you can consciously create your life with CreativeMind Soul Sessions. See you next time.