What is Shadow Work

What is Shadow Work Video Transcript:

Debra Maldonado (00:01.026)
Hello, I’m Debra Maldonado

Dr. Rob (00:03.77)
I’m Doctor Rob.

Debra Maldonado (00:05.248)
Of Creative Mind, and we are going to do a quick video on shadow work, what it is, and how it can help you in your life. We know that there’s shadow work is becoming very popular, and I see it described in many different ways that I never thought Jung would ever describe it. And there’s some misconceptions about it. And we were going to talk about shadow work, how it what well how it’s important, but also.

applying it in a coaching model, how different that is. So Rob, do you want to just start off with what is sh the concept of shadow that JUng JUng coined back in his day?

Dr. Rob (00:43.78)
Yeah Jung he started with the idea that our personality is a type of mask. It’s it’s a role that we’re playing in society. And he says there’s nothing wrong with this role. we use it to distinguish ourselves from others, to create a sense of identity, a sense of self that we we identify with.

That’s the persona, he says. That’s what we call personality now. But it it’s a it’s essentially a made-up social, socially constructed role. So there’s nothing wrong with it. But in building that, in creating that role for ourselves, we have to pick and choose what fits in that particular role, the way we see ourselves and the way we want to present ourselves to others, and what doesn’t.

Debra Maldonado (01:25.016)
So

Dr. Rob (01:43.75)
And he says, what doesn’t fit, we have to repress, we have to push it away into the unconscious mind.

Debra Maldonado (01:57.752)
So when you say pick and choose, is it conscious or like when you’re younger, do we pick and choose or is it kind of a collaboration of instinct and conscious choice? Or what do you think?

Dr. Rob (01:57.766)
So maybe

Dr. Rob (02:06.607)
Yeah. I th yeah, I think it’s both. Obviously, early on, we take cues from our parents, from our church, from our peers, as to what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable. How should I be and how should I not be? So we kind of do it instinctually. But also we we because we are starting to think as we enter school and

hang out with peers more. We we start to think, well, I like the way this person is. Maybe I can borrow a little bit of that. Right. Or or my older brother or my sister, maybe I can borrow some of their mannerisms and their their way of being. And of course our parents.

Debra Maldonado (02:53.463)
So we’re redeveloping our personality into our 20s in a way. Right through through because our because in the beginning we’re shifting, making our personality fit into the family. And then as we become teenagers, we’re the peer group becomes more important. And so the little princess who did cheerleading in in you know third grade and and had the pigtails and the you know cute little dresses goes to junior high and goes, wait a minute.

Dr. Rob (02:57.433)
Very much so.

Debra Maldonado (03:22.837)
I don’t want to be this prissy girl. I want to be. And they go goth or you know, they start wearing dark clothes and and just shave the tap of their head. And they almost as a rebellion in a way. So we don’t know where we’re gonna end up. And a lot of times we think we’re choosing it, but we’re if we’re doing something like that, we’re actually choosing not to be something, which is still not a real tri choice. We’re choosing not to be the little princess anymore, and now we’re gonna be this, you know.

Hardcore leather bound girl and and so we’re we’re really not choosing, it’s more like we’re c trying to compensate or or move on or reject.

Dr. Rob (04:01.401)
Yeah, I mean what one way to think about it is we’re adapting. Because yeah, i i if you think of any organism, it has to adapt to its environment. So for us human beings, the social environment is our natural habitat. So we have to adapt. We have to adapt. And one of the adaptations is that we create this persona, this role for ourselves, or

Debra Maldonado (04:06.093)
Hm. Okay.

Dr. Rob (04:30.135)
Or several roles, right? But it’s in typic i in in in general, it’s a certain style, a certain way of being that defines us. So that’s

Debra Maldonado (04:40.651)
And it could be different at home than at work, right? In different situations. But we know we we’re kinda stuck we have have these personas that we use.

Dr. Rob (04:50.445)
Yes, especially internalized. We we think of ourselves as a cohesive self. Yeah, exactly.

Debra Maldonado (04:58.879)
Yeah. Like I’m the same person. I’m just being a little more professional at work and being a little goofier at home. And so so then what happens to the parts that don’t fit? You say they go into the unconscious. Now, I think this is the biggest misperception of shadow work and doing shadow work is that I hear this over and over, and I don’t know if it’s just keeps spreading and it’s misinformation, but

Dr. Rob (05:04.867)
Right.

Debra Maldonado (05:25.655)
People are aware of the parts they don’t like about themselves. Like I don’t like when I’m insecure, or I don’t like when I’m feel not good enough. those those aren’t shadow because you hear them, you know them, you’re present them. But shadow is is the parts of yourself that you have no idea are you. It would be a shock and almost like you would absolutely deny it. If some right. So that’s a shadow. So if you’re like, yeah, I agree. I’m c I could be kind of like a little selfish sometimes, and that’s my shadow. That’s like

Dr. Rob (05:46.361)
Jen I.

Debra Maldonado (05:55.756)
Maybe shadow light, maybe not even shadow light. It’s more you’re you’re you’re making conscious decisions of morality versus this deep with shadow work. I always say if you don’t, if you don’t know if you’d have done shadow work, then you haven’t done shadow work because shadow work really makes you face these things that you would object to is part of yourself. It’s like, absolutely not, I would never be that way. And that’s in your shadow.

And so what does that mean? Does that mean a person is, let’s say, a meanness? They don’t see themselves as mean at all. They’re always kind. They’re a good person. They, you know, maybe have a good faith and they’re very, you know, religious or whatever, and they or spiritual and they’re good, good, good, good. And they don’t ever want to see themselves as mean. So they repress it. So what happens to that, that aspect of themselves?

they don’t allow themselves to express any kind of meanness or anger. what w what does that look like in

Dr. Rob (06:58.102)
It it could be yeah. It could be or it could be that they don’t see it, even if they express it it’s a blind spot. So a blind

Debra Maldonado (07:07.713)
Like it’s a little they everyone else would see she’s kind of mean and she’s like, no, I’m so nice. Like those people that like like almost like passive aggressive people. that’s really beautiful. Your hair would look better if you had it longer. And y that person doesn’t think they’re being mean, but they’re kind of like digging. Is that what that is? You would say?

Dr. Rob (07:28.526)
All of the above, exactly. the mind is so subtle and complex that all those descriptions kind of fit what Jung would call shadow or shadow content. But in general, we can make some clear distinctions. The unconscious, by definition, you are not aware of it. So if you’re aware of it, like you said, if I if I say

Well, I don’t like this part about myself. I’m I tend to be a little introverted in parties and I don’t make conversation. that’s not unconscious. You’re totally aware of it, therefore by definition it’s not in the unconscious. Unconscious means

Debra Maldonado (08:13.065)
Or I’m a li I don’t like how I’m shy or I don’t like how I be negative about myself, like that inner critic is my shadow. That’s not it. That that’s your ego. Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Rob (08:20.164)
Yeah. That’s not shadow and it’s not unconscious exactly. The shadow is in the unconscious, meaning you cannot see it by observing your own thoughts, your own emotions, your own behaviors. It’s it’s invisible to you, it’s hidden. The ego does a very good job of hiding it and kind of distracting you from it, saying that’s not you.

Debra Maldonado (08:44.363)
So how do we see the shadow if it’s unconscious, Rob?

Dr. Rob (08:48.324)
Well, the the mind has a kind of a it’s kind of a defense mechanism where it projects then the shadow onto others. So because we tend to see it in others, here’s a way that we can start to understand our shadow and to perceive it.

That when we’re projecting

Debra Maldonado (09:17.463)
But for most people, they don’t know they’re seeing a projection. They’re just seeing that that other person is just mean and I gotta go set boundaries or give them a a a psychological label that they find on Instagram, like, there must be this this this pathology or something and move away. You stay away from that person, avoid that person.

Dr. Rob (09:38.759)
That’s right. again, William Shakespeare, one of the greatest psychologists, though he’s a writer, of course, but he he has a line somewhere where he says she does protest too much. In other words, she’s insisting that that’s not me. Right? So already there we’re kind of sensing there’s a defense mechanism against being labeled a certain

Debra Maldonado (10:00.078)
Hmm.

Dr. Rob (10:08.486)
Way, that’s also a way to get at our shadow. In other words, it gives us a little strength to start to pull on so that it leads us into the unconscious mind, and we start to unravel what is our shadow about. So there’s ways to do it, but it helps to have a coach, somebody trained. it you can do some.

Debra Maldonado (10:31.519)
You can’t do it on your own. Yeah.

Get some insight, maybe.

Dr. Rob (10:37.496)
Some insight, yeah, but it’s very difficult to get at what Jung called the confrontation with the unconscious mind, which is really the shadow work. And and yeah.

Debra Maldonado (10:47.723)
no, like the ego is loves to slippery away because it wants you to feel good about yourself and you’re so good. And we don’t want to look at and be truly honest with ourselves. Like you said that JUng had mentioned, it takes great moral courage because we have to

Dr. Rob (10:58.384)
Exactly.

Dr. Rob (11:05.282)
It takes great moral courage to confront our shadow because it’s going to bring us face to face with the things that we ourselves consciously have rejected. And it’s going to say, those things you reject are very much a part of you.

Debra Maldonado (11:29.439)
And that is like, like, and you feel that I call it the yucky feeling. And it your stomach drops and you just like that can’t be me. It’s like someone telling you the worst thing about you, like a personality flaw. And you’re like, my God. Cause we never want to think that we have flaws and we’re always trying to look good for everyone and and and look good for ourselves and and be a good person and justify our actions. And and and the benefit though, like so what’s the benefit of

facing these parts of ourselves. Is it to make us feel bad about ourselves? But I mean, that’s not really the goal. It’s it’s like, why would and so that’s why people resist the real shadow work. They do the like journals and stuff and they’re like, I know my shadow. It’s that inner critic. it’s like to really get at it, it really does make you face something. It’s very intense, but it is so profound. So what is the benefit of us looking at these things?

for our life.

Dr. Rob (12:28.965)
It i in in simple terms it’s wholeness. Because if you think about what is happening be when we have this personality, this persona, this role that we’re playing at the conscious level, and this split off unlived aspect of ourselves that we call the shadow, we’re split against ourselves. We’re divided. It’s like we’re two people. One that we are

Acknowledging and and bringing up to our conscious awareness and presenting to others as well. And the other that we keep keep hidden, obscure, deny completely, it’s not us. So we’re split. Yeah.

Debra Maldonado (13:12.011)
Like this stepchild in our life that we hide from the public.

Dr. Rob (13:17.031)
We’re split against ourselves. So Jung says, bringing these two aspects together.

moves us towards wholeness, towards a more complete sense of ourselves.

Debra Maldonado (13:31.424)
And wholeness, we’re not saying we’re broken, you know, we’re saying because people think wholeness means I’m whole again, I’m healed. But we’re saying is that when we’re divided upon among ourselves, we’re not really choosing our life. And so w I think another practical way of a reason to do shadow work is that we, you know, if we don’t do it, we’re kind of constantly propping up this persona.

Of being a good person, having all the answers, being the smartest person in the room, being successful, like and sometimes parents, like being a good mom or being a good dad and being a good provider. And it’s a lot of pressure. And then there’s a part of us that’s just like, I just want to run away with a circus and and you know, play guitar or do be an artist and leave everything behind like that. And so, but we we can’t allow ourselves to do that. So we’re we’re get stuck in life situations through our past conditioning.

To prop up this persona, and we’re not free really to create a life. And that’s really what happens when Jung says midlife, which is around 30, 35. We build it all up, our ego. And now it’s like, wait, this isn’t I don’t even know who I am. You know, I I built my life around all the social pressures and and in how people think I should be, and we never really get to choose who we are. So it’s like accepting this other part of ourselves.

Dr. Rob (14:30.967)
That’s yeah.

Debra Maldonado (14:54.069)
And mostly shadow Jung said that’s mostly in our shadow is our light, not our dark. It’s the l everything that’s too light or too dark for our conscious self. So one misperception about shadow is always it’s this negative part or this insecure part or this broken part or this wounded part, but mostly what’s in our shadow is our brilliance and our, you know, uniqueness and our creativity.

that we’re not allowed to express because we’re so busy trying to fit in with everyone.

Dr. Rob (15:26.949)
Yeah. a couple of other things worth mentioning. That union of conscious and unconscious, Jung says it creates like a third element in us. It’s the movement towards the true self. It’s not the complete journey, but it’s it’s the beginning of it, right? That we start to acknowledge our unconscious mind.

And we start to connect with it, like creating a two-way communication between between our conscious and our unconscious mind. And that begins with shadow work as well. The other one is that think about what happens in human affairs. If we project our shadow elements onto others, like you say, even our greatness, we might think, well, other people are great, but I don’t have that. Or other people are are.

Terrible, but that’s not me. It both leads to I alienation, to diminishing ourselves, as well as to war, fighting others, projecting meanness and badness onto whole groups. So it exactly it it creates a society that’s not very harmonious because now.

Debra Maldonado (16:43.575)
Like a politically people see that with the projection.

Dr. Rob (16:53.714)
we have all these external enemies that are at the gate and it’s our own mind.

Debra Maldonado (17:00.671)
And and when we see shadow, many times it’s a it’s an anger feeling or irritation. sometimes it’s like that you said that divine and that admire admiration, but also there’s a always a little anger in there too, a little jealousy, right? I wish why can’t I be like that? I can never be like that. And so that anger is this I always think of anger as this un unexpressed passion.

So the the trigger, that irritation is like it’s pulling us toward an unexpressed passion. And not to say that being mean and embracing your meanness is going to make you you know give you something you don’t already have, but it’s it’s makes you think, how do how do I want to act consciously in the world versus before how do I be so no one thinks I’m mean? So it’s it’s not about not being mean.

What or being mean? It’s how do I how do I express myself by choice, not by what I think other people think I should be? And it’s questioning that it’s a moral question of why is it bad to say no? Why is it bad to charge what I want for my fees? You know, a lot of service providers, therapists, coaches, and practitioners are always undercharging and they’re afraid to charge because they don’t want people to think they’re greedy or to think they’re

They think they’re they’re mean or taking advantage or a swindler, or someone who doesn’t want to be kind in a relationship because they’re afraid that they’re gonna look weak. Yeah, I gotta be strong, I gotta be tough. women and men. so all these things stop us from having the life we truly want, and we end up limiting our life to what we’re conditioned to be. And so the shadow work is that invitation to start looking at what we’re seeing out there.

is a reflection of inside. And I think that’s the benefit more than anything is to see where how the world is just a reflection, is just a mirror. Like we talk about non-duality all the time. That’s what we’re we’re experiencing. And it gives your control back because if someone, an irritating person comes in your life, all we try to do is try to navigate around it or change our behavior to navigate around this difficult person or avoid that difficult person.

Dr. Rob (19:16.591)
Mm.

Debra Maldonado (19:19.435)
And it feels very powerless. It feels like this difficult person has all the energy and sucks the energy out of the room and and we can’t control them. And if we understand what we’re seeing in that person and ourselves, it’s almost like that turbulence starts to subside. And that other person that’s playing that role will either disappear or appear differently when we do the inner work. So it’s really, really a powerful way to get back in control of our power.

Dr. Rob (19:47.671)
Absolutely.

Debra Maldonado (19:48.149)
So shadow work isn’t just to summarize, it’s not about healing the past. It’s about reclaiming what we we lost along the way and building up our ego, which is a very normal, typical, we all have survival strategies. Whether you’ve had very traumatic childhoods or just regular childhoods, we all have the same thing. We all have complexes, we all have psychological conditioning, all of us. and to look at it from a normal way of development, and this is typical.

And how do we evolve to the next level of our humanity? And that’s where Jung said the psychology we need in the second part of life is much different than the psychology we need in the in the early part of life is because now we’re not building up the ego anymore. We’re transcending it.

Dr. Rob (20:35.407)
Well said.

Debra Maldonado (20:36.575)
Okay. And that is Shadow Work. To find out more, come to creative mindlife dot com and we have trainings in coaching and also coaching available if you’re interested in exploring shadow work yourself. Take care.

Dr. Rob (20:50.396)
See you soon.