Finding Your Purpose with Life Coaching

Debra Maldonado 

Now, a lot of people have been I asked the question earlier, what is yesterday? We’re talking about purpose, what are your biggest questions? And the questions were? How do I find it? How do I align my true self with purpose? What if I have a lot of different things? I can’t pick one. And another one is I just am still looking. And I really ever is a switch going to come on and say, Oh, I’m living on purpose right now.

Robert Maldonado  

Right.

Debra Maldonado  

So we’re going to talk about all that today.

Robert Maldonado  

Yeah, so let’s review because last time, we kind of left off with you. 

Debra Maldonado  

The hero. 

Robert Maldonado  

Yeah, you your your early experiences, right, kind of pointing to this, this need or this desire to go off on your own. Right, there’s a little bit of rebelliousness involved. A little bit of breaking the rules, a little bit of taking chances, which often, let’s say the the person that is not an entrepreneur might not have as pronounced right, they don’t have that need.

Debra Maldonado 

Well, I want to say it was a progression. I am not the strongest, most confident person, you know, when I first started out, so I was just as scared as everyone else ever feel like they can’t do it. I had that same those same feelings. So I’m not Superwoman. Maybe I’m a little little have a little taste of her now. But I in the beginning, I was not like that.

Robert Maldonado 

Well, I mean, certainly we know that. The rebel that has issues. We’re not saying the race 

Debra Maldonado  

Are you saying having is wrong?

Robert Maldonado  

Because they’re because they are rejecting authority. And they because they’re rebelling against something. Right. But that’s going to come up in their life. Right? They’re always going to be fighting that fight incense. But, of course, personal development is what helps in that process. 

Debra Maldonado  

Absolutely, Absolutely.

Robert Maldonado  

And then the the dark night of the soul kind of losing everything with losing your job getting fired or

Debra Maldonado 

Breaking my engagement, the homeless man unless, yeah, oh, is that was part of the journey?

Robert Maldonado  

Yeah, exactly. Because I, I don’t, I don’t know if there’s anybody out there that’s successful that has not faced that dark night of the soul.

Debra Maldonado  

I know, I think a lot of people think that, is there something wrong when that happens? Yeah. And they think that, you know, if everything should just you just make a decision. And if it’s the right decision, it should just flow like that famous book from remember the 90s the path of least resistance, follow the path of least resistance, which I always say leaves leads to the path of least existence, you, you really don’t grow. And it’s in that resistance. This is that push back, that you’re really just battling your own mind more than anything else.

Robert Maldonado  

Yeah, so if you don’t mind, maybe we could delve into some of the your personal experiences along those lines. And And today, we want to focus more on purpose on mindset, on mentors and coaches that you found useful along the way. And this idea of guilt. Somebody, when one of our team members came up with this question is what is going on with this sense of guilt that people have when they go off on their own or they think about becoming a successful entrepreneur, especially for women or do anything they love? Or Yeah, or do anything outside of the norm? And what’s expected of them, but we’ll talk about that. And then something more practical, how do you know what to do? One and once? 

Debra Maldonado  

And when to do it.

Robert Maldonado  

Yeah, once you know that you’re not doing your purpose that you’re not happy and what you’re doing. What do you do then? Right, what’s the next step? So so we’ll get to all those. Yes.

Debra Maldonado  

So I was telling you earlier, I think it was yesterday, because we’re doing the dreams challenge next week. And I thought, you know, our dreams really always tell us that really kind of give us a glimpse of where we should be going and what we should be doing. And the internal struggles that we have the dreams are really powerful. So just want to remind everyone to register and get your dream inspiration, download and then follow along with us starting on Monday here in this group. But I remember when I was, I was I had a really great job. I was working in New York City, I worked for MTV Networks, I worked as a marketing coordinator for  VH1, the Vh1. And so I got to meet celebrities, I got to go to parties, I got to stay in five star hotels, I got to do concert tours, I got to work with really interesting creative people work in Manhattan, right in Times Square. I mean, it was very exciting for someone in our 20s. And, but along the way, I just felt like it wasn’t really my thing. You know, there was there was something like all the politics and all those things about working in an office. And I always hated working for other people. So it had this kind of drive. I wanted to be independent, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do. And so I remember wrestling with this idea of what should I do, I don’t know what to do. And I had this dream. And at the time, I was thinking I might move to Boston, you know, just to get out of it, just leave just do something, go back to college, you know, do something, or, and so I was thinking about that and had this dream that my brother had just moved left New Jersey, we our family is very close. So for us to leave our little little family unit and our cousins and everything, it’s a big deal to like, leave the herd. And so my brother had got a job in Florida. So he was leaving. And so I had this dream that we both of us died. And they were two coffins. And he was dead. And I woke up in the coffin at the week, you know, where everyone was like looking and see I’m Catholic. So we have the week. So I don’t know, if everyone does that where it’s open casket. And I was laying in the cast. No,

Robert Maldonado  

No, It’s not universal. 

Debra Maldonado  

It’s not?

Robert Maldonado  

Oh, no.

Debra Maldonado  

Okay, so So anyway, yeah, you see, you’re laying there. And I’m like, I had these like strings on top of the coffin that were like, kind of holding me in. And I was like, pulling on them, like trying to get out because I was like, I’m still alive, I’m still alive. And I remember the feeling of feeling trapped. But there was more to me to live like it was like this feeling of, there’s so much like, I’m not ready to die. Yeah. And the funniest part of the dream was that my mother came over, and was pushing me back into the coffin. And she said, Debbie, we already paid for the funeral. So you gotta like die like you can’t. And so it’s kind of typical of like the family talking you out of like, going for your dreams, your friends. And so I knew that was a really important dream. And I remember this very clearly to this day, I didn’t know what dreams meant, but I knew that I would always I was a big dreamer. So I knew it meant that I needed to break free. And then that’s when I left and went to Colorado and was like, I didn’t know what I was doing. But I just said, I gotta move in, find my purpose, I’m just gonna go, I’m gonna take this action. And it was like crossing the talk about in the hero’s journey, you cross the threshold from contemplation, where you’re just thinking about changing and you feel that like in uncertainty, to actually take action, you actually do something.

Robert Maldonado  

Alright.

Debra Maldonado  

 And the thing is, the hero starts out as a fool. The hero doesn’t start out knowing all the answers. It’s that, that kind of foolish uncertainty, but it’s an innocence in a way too, it’s the archetype of the innocent, going out and saying, I don’t know what I’m doing. But I know I need to do something else. And that’s really what led me to everything that happened today. I mean, I met you in Colorado. And I didn’t know I didn’t go there, because I wanted to meet the love of my life. But it was a journey. It was a journey. So I just thought that was a really important piece of it.

Robert Maldonado 

Yeah. I mean, the whole idea of dreams playing a role in that kind of transformation from worker to entrepreneur, that’s an important piece. And a lot of people don’t talk about that, how there’s an internal drive in us. That’s kind of prompting us and pushing us to do something bigger.

Debra Maldonado 

It’s the divine in us. Yeah. The Divine in us wants to be have more life. And the ego wants us to stay in that condition responses. So there’s constantly that battle and the ego for us, we pay attention to the ego, because it’s it’s kind of kept us safe before. And it’s so reasonable. It’s so rational, and it gives us it tells us what we need, where we don’t have to go for the challenge. It will always tell us it’s not the right time. It’s It’s It’s going to be too hard, you know, and rationalize. You know what your job is really good. And a lot of I remember my mother actually told me when I was leaving to Colorado, she said, You have such a good job, like, why would you leave to go and do something else? And it made no sense. Like it was just this irrational choice of, I don’t know why I’m doing this. I love the beach like, why would I move to Colorado? Why would I take leave this great job to work as a, like, I got a job as an office manager in a cable company. Like it was just the most boring job. The first week I was there, I was thinking what the heck did I do? But it was part of that journey. It’s part of like, you don’t know, make all the right decisions. You just keep going. And you keep deciding. And I think that’s I think a lot of people wait until everything’s perfect before they take action.

Robert Maldonado 

Yeah. And also, when people look at successful entrepreneurs, they think, well, that’s easy, because of who they are. Or they got lucky. Or there’s just the seminar. Or

Debra Maldonado  

They are more talented.

Robert Maldonado  

Yes, something, you know, just appears easy. But, I mean, always, if you talk to people, like, you know, we know a lot of successful entrepreneurs, and they have a story, right? Everyone goes through this turmoil through this kind of transformation, facing their fears, and really kind of facing a big challenge in their life.

Debra Maldonado 

And I think we have to be honest about it, because I think that there’s too much out there and the Self Help is that you something’s, you know, wounded you, if you’re having struggles, like you need to make it easy, you’re doing something wrong. And, you know, that kind of self blame that, you know, it should be easier look at, you know, this person, they did this one course and made a million dollars, how come I’m not making a million dollars, I must, there’s must be something wrong with me. And, and it’s really a false, its false advertising, basically, because it is, it’s a journey and and it’s not hard, physically, like, it’s not like the things you have to do are not hard at all. It The hardest part is working with your mind. It’s really battling your own fears and the emotions that arise in stepping out and becoming who you are. You know, when people say that, you know, think about purpose. They think about it as like, it’s something that you do, you know, like I do this, but it’s really some it’s how, who you are, that’s expressing it. And so all the my journey took me 10 years to free. From my time from Colorado when I was 29. And 39, I finally left the corporate world for good, it took me 10 years. Because I kept going back to that safety. It’s it really is this idea that along the way, you get clues, and you learn different talents, and you try different things like I did energy work, and I did hypnotherapy, I did massage therapy. And along the way, I found pieces of what I loved and writing, I took writing classes and all these things that I loved, and they just kept building, until I finally found something that I could really do that fulfilled all those things. And I can do all of them in one career. But it’s not really the doing of those things. It’s who I’m being when I do them. It’s it’s being being able to express all the things that gifts that you have, from your higher self, not from the ego.

Robert Maldonado 

Yeah. And in that process and say, you know, you you moved from New Jersey to Colorado? How did you find your mentors? How did you find those people that you knew were going to give you an important piece in finding your purpose?

Debra Maldonado 

When I first started, I think I did a lot of spiritual workshops and things like that, you know, weekends and meditation and New Age friends. So we all kind of went to these things and had five really good friends. We were like the Sex and the City girls, except there were five of us all different personalities, but we kind of like all like to have these adventures together and read different books. And, you know, I went to I did A Course in Miracles. Monday nights, yeah, I would always be searching and, you know, when I would, on the weekends, my favorite place to go was the bookstore, I would go to the bookstore. And I would go to the relationship section and I’m looking at, you know, how do I you know, understand my relationships so I can find a partner. And it’s I dropped desire for a partner that actually kept me going on the personal growth, which actually ended up being my purpose is to help others and so whatever problem you have in your life that you’re trying to solve, study it, work on it, look at it, look at what, how you’re struggling with that problem. There’s someone else’s who has that same problem that you can help and so that’s kind of what happened with me as I started. A In the even in the corporate world, people would come up to me and they’d say, Deb, I’m struggling, you know, my, this person’s bugging me in this other department, and I’d give them advice. And so there’s always that person to do that. And then I was always seeking other people to help me go farther further along. And I don’t really like I had friends that are colleagues that I knew that we would go to these workshops, but it was never consistent. And it wasn’t until I I became a hypnotherapist when I first started my first business. I had hired a coach and that was really when I said, Oh my goodness, what I didn’t say goodness, I probably said, holy shit. Why didn’t I know this before? Why didn’t I know about coaching before because that’s really what I needed. I didn’t need these like eclectic, you know, disjointed, picking up different pieces, learning from different places. I needed someone I could talk to every week that was accountable helped me stay accountable that moved me forward. that taught me give gave me like, you know, higher knowledge. She was the first coach I had, she was studied Vedanta. So she was a Hindu. But she wasn’t she was an American, but she kind of studied that. So she gave me some higher knowledge that was outside of that, you know, pop psychology bubble. And I was like, Ooh, this is interesting. And so that’s really what got me going and consistent.

Intermission 

Have you ever wondered what your dreams actually mean? Do you wake up in the morning thinking, I wish I understood why I had that dream. Well, good news, we are doing a free five day live video series called The dream interpretation challenge. starting October 26. In our Facebook community, join and get your free dream journal and visualization to help you remember your dreams, recall them and work with them in a deeper way. join our Facebook community creative mind coaching today to find out more. 

Debra Maldonado  

I think that a lot of people search for mentors, but they don’t have the consistency. And they they pick it up when they’re in crisis mode. And then when things are well, they’re just like, Oh, I don’t need a mentor anymore. I can figure this out myself. I know everything. And that’s exactly

Robert Maldonado 

When they should really go for for the big dreams,

Debra Maldonado  

I know, I see a lot of people that they’ll hire a coach, and then they they’ll stop. And then they’ll think they know it all. Even people that become coaches, they think they don’t need a coach anymore, because they know coaching. But everyone needs a coach, we always we always have coaches we have there’s people mentors above us that are doing things maybe not in our work, but maybe in business that we that help us along the way. And so I think it’s so important. And for me, if I would have had a coach, when I turned 30, I probably would have found my purpose sooner, it wouldn’t have taken me 10 years because my ego is basically my coach, my inner ego is my coach inside saying you don’t want to do it. Now, no one wants to read your writing, you’re never going to make money doing that, you know, you need a husband first. And so if you let your ego be your coach, you’re going to be spinning and spinning and spinning.

Robert Maldonado  

Now you mentioned that accountability. But besides that kind of, you know, giving you a structure to to focus on your work and to get it done. What would you say is the the main thing that a coach gives you as far as your mindset as far as your, your internal work?

Debra Maldonado  

Well, I think the most important thing, it’s it’s not tangible, but it’s it’s the most, it’s the most important, which is that you have someone who believes in you. And who says it’s like kind of saying it’s it’s safe, like let me take your hand is safe, you can do this, where you’re not bad. Like it’s like two minds going moving you forward versus just you depending on your own mind. And many of the coaches I’ve had had successful businesses. So when I had successful relationships, or whatever they had, and it helped me like see that, you know, helped me see that possibility. And, and really, truly when I’ve even some of my early mentors, a lot of them were married, and they had their husbands and they were doing workshops together. And I was like, that’s what I want. I want to work with my partner. And here we are. So they give you a glimpse of what’s possible. And here’s the thing that we are unlimited. And if anyone in the world I’m are connected to everything. So if you see one person that’s doing something you want to do, that means that possibilities and you already like it’s already close, and then you’re you can create anything that you could see, plus all the things you can’t see. So just start with something that you you see that’s appealing to you and and then say well She can do it or he can do it, I can do it, then that’s, that’s like the baseline to what’s possible. And so for me, those people, those mentors, showed me what’s possible through their expression of it. And that’s why I think that if you are a coach, the most important thing you can do for others is be successful. Because then you’re telling other people, the water’s warm. Come on in. it’s Possible.

Robert Maldonado  

Yeah, it’s so in that, in that sense, the coach is also serving as a mentor, in that they’re showing you that it’s possible and how they did it. And what they’re doing, then, do you think people, because we get this question sometimes is, can they do it alone? Especially our kind of work where it’s about individuation, and really kind of working with your internal mind? Can people do this alone without a coach?

Debra Maldonado  

I don’t think so. I think it’s really, because the ego is so clever. It will. And I think what a lot of people and I do this, too, is this intellectualization defense is that we are so clever. And we think we know something intellectually, like, Oh, I understand Eastern philosophy, I understand non attachment, I understand my shadow, but there’s shift hadn’t happened because they hadn’t really worked with it. And I think a coach who knows, especially Jungian psychology, because you’re going doing the depth coaching, you’re not just making surface changes, you’re actually making that inner transformation, you’re that person, that coach will push you toward good to go deeper to look inside, to stop projecting, it’s really, really hard to do it alone, because we, our natural state is that ego’s bias is negative, unconscious is negative. And it’s also projects all the time. So it’s always projecting. And it takes discipline. Maybe if you sat in the Himalayas, and had this self awareness, and you had the discipline to do that, I would say maybe one in a million people maybe. But most of us are just you know, we have busy lives. And if you don’t have anyone that’s, you know, kind of keeping non accountable for your action, but accountable for your mind. Right? That’s really, I think, the most critical.

Robert Maldonado 

So back to the idea of purpose, then, where was where was your purpose in all of that all those experiences that you’re talking about?

Debra Maldonado 

My purpose was, I knew that there was something in me that needed to be expressed. When I was nine, I would write a science fiction books, but I still have them. And I love to, I always wanted to be a performer. I always wanted to write, I loved Actually, I wanted to be a nurse at one point. So that healing part was there I did was a candy striper. So I knew that there was like elements of me that like it was nurturing and, and creative. And I just, you know, I wouldn’t didn’t grow up in a in an environment, in my culture where you can create your life, whatever you want to do. You can, you know, have your own business you can be it’s get married and have babies, you know, maybe you can do that on the side. And so

Robert Maldonado 

There was no book no entrepreneurs in your family.

Debra Maldonado 

Nope, nope, no entrepreneurs, most of my family didn’t even go to college. And a lot of most of the women got married, you know, some of my cousin’s went to college and, but a lot of them were moms and they stayed home. And and, and so I thought, well, this is my my lot. So you have these like beautiful gifts and creativity and like a little girl, I was so excited about like, you know, I wanted to create things. And and then the world is telling you. This is the way it works in the world. You have to get married, you’re not going to you know, you can’t do those things and make money. There’s practicalities to the life. And I love Jung say, saying, it says that. If you if you ask the world who you are, and you don’t know, the world will ask you, I keep messing this up. The world will ask you who you are. And if you don’t know, the world will tell you. And so I kept fighting this with the world’s telling me who I am. And it was like this, like you said that rebellious part of me. And then through that rebellion of I don’t know what I need to do. I know there’s something to be expressed to me. And then it was like a search for that thing. And what I realized it’s not one thing. A lot of people think it’s one thing like oh, I’m going to be a coach or I’m going to be an artist.

Robert Maldonado 

They think It’s the profession,

Debra Maldonado 

The profession or the career or even the talent that you have, like I’m going to be a singer. And that’s not your purpose, your it’s it’s a way you actually express your purpose, because you can be an artist, a coach, a singer, but you can do it from ego. And you can play by the world’s rules, and it’s just the job. But if you are aligned with your true self, if you know who you are, the singing becomes a divine expression, coaching becomes a divine expression. And doing your art becomes a divine expression. And then, and then it doesn’t mean that you don’t do it and make money. But you you put the divine expression first. And I think people do it the other way around that they think, well, if I make a lot of money, this is the idea. You see these coaches out there, they make a lot of money, they’re sitting on their yachts, and, you know, taking two months vacations in this exotic places and taking pictures and selfies and you think, Wow, I’m gonna make a lot of money. And then I’m going to be able to do my artwork, I’m gonna make a lot of money, and then I’m going to be able to do write my book. And it’s, it’s like, all backwards. It’s, it’s, it’s like you’re waiting for, like you’re trying to do something for it’s just like, finding another job.

Robert Maldonado  

So So you’re saying the, the purpose is not in the profession, or the activity that you’re doing. But it seemed that you’re expressing something deeper, and you

Debra Maldonado  

Yeah,

Robert Maldonado  

 The soul or, or your higher nature or something, right.

Debra Maldonado  

And I do feel Yes. And I do feel that we do have two gifts that we were brought into. So it’s not that you don’t, it’s not, but that’s through your gifts, you can like I said, you can express it from your purpose, which is your divine expression, or you can express it from your ego. So some people are really smart with numbers. And they they’re really number people or they’re doctors. And they’re really good at science. And they’re, they’re expressing that part of themselves. But they’re not fulfilled because they’re doing it for the money versus for because that’s all they, you know, the world is set up that way. But if you, if you can align that with inside, you could still be in your corporate job and express that divine expression, as long as you’re not attached to that expression. So you don’t have to be an entrepreneur to live your purpose. But it’s really about how you’re doing it, then what you’re doing.

Robert Maldonado 

So let me then delve into more the personal story here. What would you say was your darkest moment in that, again, because we were saying that every one that is successful has to go through some kind of dark night of the soul? What were those moments? Where were you where you said, I can’t do this? Or I want to go back? Right?

Debra Maldonado 

Ah, I got goosebumps when he said it because I don’t think I’ve ever thought about this way. I always used to think that my darkest time was the manless jobless homeless place where I got, you know, laid off and lost everything. But actually, that was the time I feel like I I began, you know that that that was a birth. So the real dark night, I believe, was when I first moved to Colorado. And I was in Colorado, and I didn’t have any friends. I left my big friends network. I grew up in New Jersey, I had friends from, you know, in my job at MTV. And you know, that glamorous like career, I moved to Colorado, I live far away from the city. I didn’t have any like social life. My boyfriend that I left in New Jersey, after two years of saying we’re friends, we’re friends, we’re friends, all of a sudden says he loves me and wants me back. And and then I was working in this job. And I left Colorado and we left New Jersey sitting in this office with two people that were 10 years older than me. They weren’t like partiers they were married. And I was like board outcome from this big, young, exciting career to being in this small little office. And what I was doing was so boring. And I was just like, what the heck did I do? to myself and I was I went into this really dark depression. And I was really ready to go back. But then when I went back and you will always say this, and I love this idea that you say you can never go back. I couldn’t wait. I moved there in September. And in Christmas time. I said, I can’t wait to go back to New Jersey. Maybe I’ll move back there. I don’t know if I can handle it. And I went back and I said this is not really where I belong anymore.

Robert Maldonado 

You actually went back?

Debra Maldonado 

To what? just no just for vacation. I spent a week there and I thought it was going to be so great. And my actor my boyfriend at the ex boyfriend had gotten back with his old girlfriend before me So he was unavailable, but still was trying to play his little games. So that he was my friends were just different. And I went back to MTV and went to the offices. And I was like, this isn’t really like what in my mind, I thought was so great. And I remember thinking, when I landed in Colorado, again, the Colorado is my home. And I had just made a couple friends, my friends, Latin, Wendy, I had just met them the week before I went back of rape before I went back, and I started to really feel like there’s this new energy here. And there’s still my good friends today, if they’re listening, hi, Lana, Wendy, such good friends. And so we’ve been friends for how long ago, 30 years, 35 years. And I just remember that this was my home. Now. It was like the my new place. But we do go through that. And I had a good friend of mine who had moved to California from New Jersey, we went to high school together, and he said, you’re gonna hate it the first six weeks, but stick with it, stick with it, because you’re going to feel like it’s your new home. But you’re gonna find that resistance. And I think it’s such a good metaphor for when we make a change. So we see this a lot of people, they quit their job, and they want to start their business. And it’s really hard, and they want to go back. And there’s always that wanting to go back that hesitation that I think that stops people from truly living their dreams. So that’s really, for me, I was so depressed.

Robert Maldonado  

Now. Do you go through periods where you kind of fall back into that struggle? Or

Debra Maldonado 

No, never?

Yeah,

Robert Maldonado 

Because again, because it appears to be easy from the outside, right? 

Debra Maldonado  

Yeah, 

Robert Maldonado  

That, oh, this person is just, they just doing it, they just do what they love. And it everything works out for them.

Debra Maldonado 

Well, the second big one Well, after the 35. And then I started, moved to Colorado. And then I started my business with my hypnotherapy practice. That was the actually, that was the most exciting time of my life. And then I met you right after it. And it was just great, you know, like, everything started to fall in place. And then we moved to New York, and then all my, my infrastructure, and I had to start over again. And so sometimes on our journey in our when we’re living our purpose, we move or we have to change our market, or we have to change what we’re doing, or up level. And all those times there’s resistance and there’s change. And I remember when we moved to New York too I went into that really scared place, where am I going to be able to recreate my business again in New York. And this is before you and I work together. And I remember meditating, thinking about it. And my mind was just so angry, and scared. And then I stopped and I said, Oh my goodness, this is how I used to obsess about I’m ever going to meet someone. And I was like, the mind is always going to worry about something. And in that moment, I just boom, it was like, oh, like, stop listening to the mind. And then everything started to shift from there. But again, finding another mentor. That was actually the year I decided I didn’t need to coach anymore. And I was just swirling in confusion for you know, those first couple months. And as soon as I hired a coach, everything started to align again. It’s like that, that kind of helping me. She didn’t do the work for me, but it was that clarity of mine that I needed. So again, it was like yeah, again, and then you go and you find a coach and then you up level and you you hit other levels. So there’s been a lot of those little bumps, but I think those were my two big.

Robert Maldonado  

Does it get easier?

Debra Maldonado 

Yes, yeah, because I knew at that time that I was I had done this before, you know, I tried it already, like I’ve worked through this already so

Robert Maldonado 

So you kind of have some resources already in place,

Debra Maldonado 

But you just kind of build the muscle of resist, you’re like I know how to I know this resistance. And even you know for us like over the years we work together and our business has changed over the years are some things that didn’t work some things that did how to make our business model work and in scale the business there’s always those kind of testing things out and the resistance but I know now that it’s not a fail like a failure isn’t a failure. It’s all it’s a learning it’s like oh I learned from that and we learned so much more from failing than we do. Yeah our successes

Robert Maldonado  

And that piece of a you know, the the early stage. I guess in the in the stages of change it would be when you go from contemplation to commitment or to action. That that often that’s the best time of your life and people because you are expanding so much energy and if it is hard work. They don’t appreciate it often they don’t really savor that those moments because it is often when you look back the best time of your life when you’re building something new. You know you’re you’re venturing out of your your little hobbit hole and doing it Doing something adventurous,

Debra Maldonado  

You know, that reminds me when I there was Thanksgiving I had just got back at it got back from hypnotherapy school, I graduated, oh, this week it would be 17 years ago. Halloween is when I graduated. And we came back. And then it was a couple weeks we were in. There was this Course of Miracles, Thanksgiving Day, because we weren’t with my family to a prayer for, you know, whatever. And the girl was doing like a gratitude experience. And she made everyone get up and talk about what they were grateful for. And I said I’m grateful for this year, actually was a year later is so a year it was my year anniversary of my hypnotherapy practice. And I said, I’m really I want to celebrate and be gratitude grateful for this was the hardest year of my life. But it was the best year of my life just starting out. Like it was tough, like, you know, getting started. But it was so exciting. At the same time. I don’t think I’ve ever had that moment. And I always tell people too there’s so when they meet it’s like falling in love. You meet that person and you’re like, I think you can commit yet what’s gonna happen next is enjoy that newness and joy, that excitement and joy, the word wondering where this is going that moment. It’s, it’s like at that moment is has preciousness to it. And we all want to skip to the easy part. You know, it’s like, Can I get to the easy part where I know where we’ve been together for 20 years? No, you wouldn’t get to that. Do you see? That’s the thrill. And, and I think that, as a true entrepreneur, I think we keep pushing the envelope because we never want to stay complacent. And that’s really, because as we face those outer, external challenges, we’re really working on our inside, we’re really working on what’s going on in me, how can I be more of my full self expression every time and anything that’s in the way of that will show up externally. And that’s all it is, it’s not, you can’t do it. It’s, this is what your mind is holding you back from and if you can realize you’re just seeing a reflection of your mind, then you can work with it. And that’s really what a coach does in the beginning, or she’ll give up. I mean, I don’t know.

Robert Maldonado

But that’s a good segue into this because it’s this is an important question. When when you do start on your path, and committing to your higher purpose, or to expressing that higher purpose, and you start to see some success. Often women tell us that there’s a little bit of guilt here. Like, they don’t deserve the success. Right, the maybe it’s one of the ways that mine resists, or it shows up as one of the ways that they their mind resist the moving forward into bigger possibilities?

Debra Maldonado 

Well, if you think about psychological experiments, and I don’t know, I know, you remember that the gorilla when they gave one gorilla, a piece of cucumber, and the other gorilla, a grape, and the other and you could see the jealousy, right? That kind of like, ah, like, it’s not fair. And I think deep within us, we have this sense of we want fairness of everyone should get their equal shot. And then when we are moving forward and doing what we love, and we see our family struggling or they’re not doing what they we love, there is that element of guilt almost like to equalize us again, like so we don’t, you know, in a way, hurt others, but it which is a good quality, but we have to see it for what it is. It’s a very ancient fairness. So you don’t harm others. But you’re actually it’s the misperception because, because of me, stepping into my power, I’m sure I inspired at least one person out there to do what they love. And, and I know I have, because when I became hypnotherapist, I mean, I should have, we should have started a life coaching school a long time ago. But everyone I want to do what you do, I want to do what you do. And I’ve inspired so many people to leave their corporate job and do this work.

Robert Maldonado 

What would you say to a woman who says, Okay, I started my business, my company, and I’m starting to get successful, but there’s a sense of guilt there or shame of having more abundance than my family. Well, well, how would you coach them, there?

Debra Maldonado 

Well, I would say that you being abundant can help them. You could provide for them maybe that, you know, my mother’s getting older, you know, she won’t have to worry about you know, being out in the streets. You know, like I could take care of her if I needed to. You know the best thing you can do for others. is to make the most of yourself, like I said, like inspiring others to do what you do so even people in your family friends that want to do something for themselves by you being successful you lift them up. And, and the guilt is actually it’s it’s like a projection of what you think they feel of you. Don’t you think it’s more like they’re they’re looking bad at me versus they’re admiring you? And they’re thinking, wow, I want to be just like, Rob, he has this great business and yeah,

Robert Maldonado  

Yeah, well we know the the say emotions are really their energy that we can use to propel our life forward. But often when when we haven’t dealt with them, that then they appear as depression as anxiety as guilt is these these difficult emotions that appeared to, to kind of stump us and hold us back?

Debra Maldonado 

Well, don’t you think that what I think what you’re really asking, is that, not about money. But I think what you’re asking is the guilt of why do I get to do what I love and make money while everyone else has to work for a living? You know, it’s that kind of, why do I get to I shouldn’t enjoy my career?

Robert Maldonado  

Yeah, I think a lot of it is conditioning, that, that we’re social creatures. And when you’re, you know, it’s about class too, because if you if you think about money as it as class, you grew up in a certain class, based on your family, right? And your peers and your schools and all that. And when you level up, when you become an entrepreneur, and you free yourself from those, let’s say the constraints, or the limits of that class structure, you’re leaving behind not only the family, but that whole class structure that you grew up in, and that it, it sustained you, in a sense, it created you, yeah. And you’re going beyond that.

Debra Maldonado

It’s like a betrayal. You’re betraying the code. And you know, in most, you know, different certain classes, think rich people are bad, and, you know, you and then you know, the creative people this is really common, is creative people think that if you make money with your creativity, then you’re screwing like, you’re screwed, like you’re selling out, right, there’s, you’re, you’re the sellout, you’re the artists that’s sold out, to, you know, to, you know, make the pop hit, versus someone who really stuck with what their passion is. And you see this a lot. When I worked in the music industry, you see this a lot, where the one hit wonders, you know, they, they just do this hit the hit song. And even like, you see this, like some of those American Idol, some of those performance shows, some people resist, they’re like, I’m an artist, and I don’t want to do like Bebop songs that are pop, but it but that’s like the industry. And there’s this, this idea collectively, that you have to get the lowest common denominator to really make creative work. And so we, there’s a guilt in if I make money, then I’m going to look like a sellout, especially to your friends. You know, we see this a lot with comedians, there was a show with a comedian, who got successful, and all his troupe were like, kind of like, Oh, look at you, you’re all like successful now. And it’s like you’re leaving your buddies behind, you’re leaving your colleagues behind. So there’s a lot of that. And I don’t I think we have to change our mind about it. Because even if some if someone’s jealous, that’s their business, like you need to work with your own guilt and say that me being successful, cannot be can only be good for others can only be inspiration for others.

Robert Maldonado

Yeah, we we also see that in a lot of healers and therapists and people that are in the helping propel

Debra Maldonado 

Yeah, 

Robert Maldonado  

That they they come from a culture where money. Not that it’s not that they’re not necessarily taught that money is evil, but that money is not important. Or they don’t they don’t see the value of it. They think, well, it’s better to give my work away for some reason.

Debra Maldonado 

Here’s what I see is that everyone needs, everyone needs to be healed. And who am I to choose who can afford me or not? And so there’s this, like, you think of Jesus went and healed. He didn’t say hey, you know, can you it’s $2,000 for healing, and so they feel like monetizing a gift from the divine is is is a terrible thing. And, you know, I could see if you are going to use it in a commercialized way and you’re contorting it, and finagling, and what do they call the scamming people? That would be different. But I see a lot of people say I feel guilty when someone asked me what my rates are, because they can’t afford me. And then but I know they really need the work. And that’s why we do so many free classes and free, there’s plenty, you can do a lot for free to help others, but then you also have to pay your bills, you have to, you know, if someone wants to, you know, to work directly with you, it’s going to have to be a little bit more money so, or you’re, they’re going to have to invest. And what I find is that this is such a very important thing, too, is that when you’re a coach, or a teacher, and you don’t charge, and you give it away for free, or a healer, it’s not as impactful as if someone pays you Oh, yeah, because that person who pays is actually more committed. And I’m not talking about people that are, you know, you know, a nonprofit and people that can’t afford I’m talking about regular people who are deciding not to pay, you know, this is not a like a moral issue. This is more of a commercial issue of viewer service. Would you go to your hairdresser and say, can you do my hair for free? I can’t afford it today. You know, and I actually I see a lot of hairdressers do that they they think, Oh, I have a sliding scale, or I’m going to give a discount? Because you know, and it’s nice to do that every once in a while. It’s nice to carry. But then you get to that inequity. And then who do you decide who gets the discount? And yeah, you can really like twist it around and make yourself feel bad for making money doing what you love. 

Robert Maldonado

Alright, Yeah, there’s a whole psychology behind that. And we’ll have to do another part.

Debra Maldonado

The guilt of money,

Robert Maldonado

But something practical now. So if somebody is working, and let’s say they already have a good sense of what their purpose is, or what they want to do, what they want to express the things that they love to do, and be successful at it. What’s the next step for them? What, what do they do?

Debra Maldonado

Well, the first thing is to get training, training and what they want to do get real training, not just try making stuff up on their own. Whether it’s learning a skill, whether it’s a craft that you want to learn, if you want to do movies, get trained, go go do a class on making movies, if you want to learn to write, take a class, get a mentor, if you want to coach get trained as a coach, don’t just read a book and say, I’m going to call myself a coach. And I’m going to help people and it’s just not really it’s, it’s 

Robert Maldonado  

People wouldn’t do that, will they?

 Debra Maldonado  

Yes. Or let me just watch other people and then copy what they do. And, and so you want to get trained. And then you always want to have a mentor you want to or coach to help you make that shift from contemplation to commitment. You’re not committed until you hire a coach, really, truly or, or take that step to get that training. You’re not really committed, you’re thinking about it, you’re looking on Facebook and videos, and you’re hanging out and thinking about thinking about it. And one day, and it’s never the right time, and it’s like it’s actually never is the right time. It’s never a perfect time to make a change. 

Robert Maldonado  

Oh, that’s a good way. Yeah. Because a lot of people are waiting for that perfect opportunity, perfect chance to do it right the first time. And there’s no such thing, right? I mean, you, you know, you mentioned a little bit of about the failure that you learn more from the failures than from the successes.

Debra Maldonado 

Actually, two years before, when I should have jumped, I had had a lot more money in the bank, I had a lot of savings. And I could have really started it then. But I was scared. And I went back to the corporate world again. And but I don’t want to say that that was a mistake, because I did learn some things in that, that work. That helped me build my hypnotherapy website and all the digital marketing that I learned from that job. So it wasn’t a failure. But I think oh, I would have financially been in a better place. And then instead of just getting laid off and not making it a choice, but so it’s never a good time. And really the time is now it’s the now is always the right time. And you just figure it out. Like you can’t wait for everything to be planned out. You take that first step, and things will show up for you that you never thought was was possible. I didn’t realize how much what the adventure was until I actually did it. I really just, it gave me so much more than I expected. I kind of thought Oh, it’d be nice to my own little office and work for myself. Like I had this kind of idea. But it gave me so much more in personal growth and kind of really going wow, I can actually pay myself I don’t have to get a job to get money in. I can actually You must be a force in my life and choose. That, to me is incredible. It’s it’s the most incredible gift anyone can have is to get in control of their own power. And that’s really what I believe. When you’re an entrepreneur and you live your purpose, you really access your own power.

Robert Maldonado  

So in essence, it’s to start doing it.

Debra Maldonado  

Just do it, like Nike said.

Robert Maldonado  

To take that next step from contemplation, to action to commitment, and kind of accepting that you’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to make it get it wrong, but that you’re going to learn from those mistakes. And then the success is somewhere in there in the doing right.

Debra Maldonado

So go for it. The time is now

Robert Maldonado

We’ll see you in the dream challenge in on our next podcast, stay well. We’ll talk to you soon.

Debra Maldonado

Yes, take care everyone. Bye bye. Thank you for joining us. 

Outro

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