Why We Abandon Our Dreams

Episode Transcript

Debra Maldonado (00:01.199)
Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Young on Purpose. I am Deborah Moldanato.

Dr. Rob (00:09.366)
I’m Doctor Rob. Welcome to the program.

Debra Maldonado (00:12.581)
We are going to cover today a wonderful topic about pursuing your dreams and why so many people have dreams, but they hold themselves back from pursuing it. And we’re going to talk about the psychological reasons why people don’t pursue their dreams and what you can do if that’s you, and hopefully inspire you by the end of this episode to go for it and do something.

So hopefully this is a very inspiring episode and helping you understand what’s happening in your life. If you are one of those people that have a vision or a dream, but you haven’t taken any action toward it yet. And then those of you who are in have been taking action and maybe hesitating a little more to really live it bigger, this is also for you. But before we begin, I do want to ask you a favor and please subscribe to our channel if you’re watching us on YouTube.

If you are watching us or listening to us on one of the podcast services, don’t forget to subscribe so you can get every episode. And that really helps us reach more people with this content. So Rob, do you do you are you do you think you’re living your purpose? Are you living your dreams?

Dr. Rob (01:23.864)
Yeah, yeah, we’ll see, right? I wanted to start with a story. It’s kind of a sad story, but it it makes a point. So I used to work the night shift in the hospitals as I was working my way through through school, through graduate school. And the night shift is anybody that works the the night shift will tell you. sometimes they call it the graveyard shift. I it’s a tough one because it’s

Debra Maldonado (01:31.566)
huh. Okay.

Dr. Rob (01:53.805)
like the hospital goes quiet, lights go down, most people are asleep, but there’s a few people still awake and you know, you still have to do some some work there. I I used to work in respiratory. So I got a chance to meet a lot of people there were that were at the end of their lives, let’s say.

last few months, perhaps last few weeks, sometimes last few days. And what I noticed what when talking to them that was that there was a lot of regret expressed towards the end. and that regret was usually about not pursuing their dreams. It wasn’t so much that they made mistakes or they had

you know, what they chose to do. It was more that they didn’t choose what was really in their heart.

Debra Maldonado (02:59.257)
Like they didn’t even try to see if they could succeed.

Dr. Rob (03:03.382)
Yeah. And that I think is it’s part of our human nature that we all kinda know what we are here to do.

Dr. Rob (03:17.41)
But often, maybe most of the time, we don’t know how to do it or how to go about making it happen for ourselves. And that is what we are talking about when we talk about pursuing your dreams, living your vision, expressing the full potential of yourself. All those things really are metaphors for.

this journey that we enter in life. And that it it appears to have some kind of aim, some kind of target. but at the same time it’s vague. It’s not given to us in a manual. like when we get a computer or something, the manual kind of helps us out figure it out. for this my body, there is no manual. We’re just, you know, do your best.

Debra Maldonado (04:16.377)
Almost like feeling it, right? We’re we’re sensing like I think the first stage for me initially was this feeling of something’s not right. There has to be something more. But I didn’t know what it was. It was just a a a level of discomfort, you know, o a of a not a big discomfort, but just like that pebble in your shoe that you’re like, Why am I doing this? You drive to work and I would commute a lot. Many of my jobs and

Like, what am I doing? And and I I couldn’t wait till the weekend. And I was like, is this the kind of life? I remember thinking one time in the corporate world, I was like, Am I live working my whole life and only living for that two week vacation? You know, living for the weekends and that two week vacation. And I was like, this is not a life. And and it was just really like sun I it was like a like a little hint, like, and I know we all have it. We all have, I think everyone has a dream.

It’s most people ignore it. And we’re gonna talk about why. And we’re gonna talk about what happens if we don’t. And most people will say, Well, what if it doesn’t work? And I always tell people, Well, what if it does? And you don’t know until you open it up and see. Right. So another visual, that was a you know, very touching story, Rob, about that last moment.

And I I I often think of this metaphor if you’re not driving, just think of yourself in this beautiful, comfortable room, has a fireplace and maybe you have candles around and the lights are dimmer and it’s just really quiet and you have those cool fall days and you may have a blanket on you in a very comfortable chair and there maybe you have your dog or cat next to you or on your lap.

And you look out and it’s a beautiful day. And but you’re just kind of hanging out in this very comfortable room. And then you see outside of that window this other you that’s pursuing his or her dreams, that’s you know, going on an adventure, but you’re too comfortable. Yeah, you think, that would be nice, but it I I just am too comfortable. I I don’t I don’t know when to get up. It just takes too much effort.

Debra Maldonado (06:39.897)
And that’s kind of a metaphor for how we feel. Like we have, like we look out the window of our mind. There’s in a in our mind’s eye, we see something else for ourselves. But we our mind convinces us that where we are is good enough. Why wreck everything? Let’s just stay in this little room where it’s comfortable. And it’s not really super comfortable, but it’s your ego says this is better.

Then the discomfort you’re going to have to face when you are pursuing your dreams. And so the first reason why people don’t pursue their dreams is because of the discomfort that’s involved. And you know, you’re good, we’re gonna talk about a little bit of the power of conditioning and why psychologically we are always avoiding discomfort as human beings.

Dr. Rob (07:11.158)
Mm.

Dr. Rob (07:31.139)
Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I mean it this is a huge topic, but these are some of the kind of clear ideas that we can certainly understand and hopefully be able to work with as we proceed. each are each of us are on our own personal journey of development, of growth, maturity, of discovery of

what Jung called individuation, meaning becoming your true self. and so one of the one of the things that is vastly, vastly underestimated. Its power is underestimated by most people, is conditioning. Now what does conditioning mean? It it’s neither good nor bad. It simply is a powerful force

in our lives and the way it works is that the environment sets us up for success or failure based on our our own perception like our ego perception if i take an action and i appear to fail it doesn’t work in other words the the intention that i had for that action is

is not received or does it doesn’t come about. My my mind, my ego mind reads that as failure. You failed. That incident, one incident, one trial, then reduces the chances of me repeating that action.

Debra Maldonado (09:17.329)
So put a hand on the stove, it hurts. I won’t do that anymore. And we learn this as children, like what’s safe, what’s not safe. And our parents teach us what the boundaries are. If you get punished for doing something, okay, I’m not gonna speak up again, speak up again or I’m not going to, I’m gonna be home by time and follow the law, the l the land, right?

Dr. Rob (09:25.986)
Yes.

Dr. Rob (09:40.291)
Yes, on the other end of the spectrum, if I take an action and succeed, according to my specifications of what success means, that increases the likelihood of me repeating that action. Now these are one di or a couple of discrete actions. Now imagine how many actions do we take in our lives from the time that we’re born till this morning.

billions maybe, you know, just individual actions. Yes. The effects of those actions, the the kind of the analysis that our brain makes of whether this was successful or not, the the total sum of those actions, we we can say that is our conditioning. And it is conditioning we can think of it as

Debra Maldonado (10:14.949)
Just even this morning, how many things do we do?

Dr. Rob (10:40.684)
The environment the environment that we grew up in and the actions that we took in that in those environments shaped our behavior, literally shaped it, molded it to where it is today. And so if we were able to understand every action a person has taken in their past and the results that they got, we could predict essentially what their next action will be.

Debra Maldonado (11:10.875)
Didn’t they say past behavior pr shows best predicts our future behavior, yeah. So we know that and and we and a lot of people well don’t know their own patterns yet. They don’t see, that’s when I stop. that’s when I give up. This is what my mind says when

Dr. Rob (11:14.444)
It’s the best predictor of future behavior. Yeah, yeah, that’s

Debra Maldonado (11:31.425)
I I think about my vision. Like we don’t even examine that sometimes. We just we we’re very emotional. it’s like it’s not don’t entertain that idea that, let’s push that aside.

Dr. Rob (11:38.456)
Yeah.

Dr. Rob (11:43.235)
Well, actually the brain creates a sense, like an illusion of free will. So even though we’re acting out of our conditioning, meaning we don’t really have a choice, if the if the environment calls for a certain behavior, I will admit that behavior based on my past conditioning. And I don’t really have a choice. it’s automatic.

But the brain, what it does, it makes up a little logic loop after the fact to account for why I responded that way in the particular instance.

Debra Maldonado (12:20.699)
So it’s like the meaning. So here’s a perfect conditioning response that most corporate professionals that we work with, especially when they after they take the leap and take our training or do one of our programs, they say what the the conditioning is the paycheck. I cannot give up my beautiful corporate salary.

The benefits, the health insurance, now, like all that, is and their mind tells them that this is the only way money can come to you. Because they’ve never had an experience of it coming any other way, you know, unless they got inheritance or something. But they’ve never been an entrepreneur or never been had money for like created money for themselves outside of the corporate world. So the mind or the brain will just say, Well, there’s this is just how money comes. Like you don’t even question it.

And then you you think, I can’t do it another way. Even if you kind of vision and think, yeah, maybe the conditioning part of our mind keeps saying, but what if it doesn’t work? That question, what if it doesn’t work? So we end up staying in in our corporate jobs for years. I know for me it was years and years of me trying to figure out like I I remember I I would take a course and be like, yeah, I’m gonna leave now. And then

I give up, or even one time I was laid off and I was doing so I I went to massage school actually. And I thought, well, let me try something. I want to do get out of this this corporate life. And I got a phone call, and it was a friend of mine from the last job I was at, and he said, Hey, they’re looking for a marketing director for this new startup. And I said, No, no, no, I’m living my dream. And he was like, Really? And I was like thinking about I’m not making any money right now.

Like that pull back to that steady paycheck was so powerful. So I went back again to to work again. And it was like it happened a few times. where the the first time I quit and left, and the second time I got laid off, and it happened I I got laid off twice. And the second time is when I finally made the choice. So it was I had passion, I knew I wanted to do it, but it was like this.

Debra Maldonado (14:41.369)
Almost like I was fighting this invisible force that was not letting me make that change. I was scared and I was wondering how I would would I make money and all those things that we always worry about. But the last time I remember thinking, I’ve been putting this off for so many years and I know I want to do this. I found the hypnotherapy brochure like two years before, but still was not ready.

And then I finally I got that brochure actually that morning and I got laid off and I knew exactly what I was going to do. And my friends were like, Are you okay? And I it was like, no, I’m totally fine. I know exactly what I’m doing. And I told them, I just want to see what I’m made of. I’m so tired of myself being afraid. I want to take a courageous step. And it was the best choice of my life. It was 23 years ago, 2003.

And best, best decision of my life. And it was like, why did I wait so long? So hopefully we can inspire you to those of you who are sitting on the fence, like standing at the edge of the water, afraid that it’s gonna be too cold or you know, too hot, or you’re gonna drown in the water of your dreams, this ocean of your dreams, that that you are once you do it, you’re gonna wish you started sooner. So it’s like almost you have to push through. And so how does someone overcome this resistance, Rob?

Dr. Rob (15:48.163)
Mm.

Dr. Rob (16:03.351)
Yeah.

Debra Maldonado (16:06.537)
It’s not the right time. Something feels off. Will it will it work? what if it doesn’t work? Right. That all those things your mind tells you. The the pay is good. You got insurance. And then you also have the family around you telling you, don’t quit your job. It’s a great job. Like, why would you quit? You’re and chase your crazy dream. Like everyone around you, people at work, all will be like, you can’t leave. Like we’re all like it, we all bought into this idea that you have to have a job.

Dr. Rob (16:11.84)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Rob (16:16.632)
Yeah.

Dr. Rob (16:35.842)
The that’s a big part of it. That w we’re swimming against the stream, almost like those salmons that have to go upstream against the current. there’s a lot of backflow, right? Everyone is going in the opposite direction. They’re looking for security, they’re looking for stability, predictability. And we’re saying, I wanna take a risk. I wanna go for my passion, my dreams. And and so there

Debra Maldonado (16:43.857)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Rob (17:04.728)
There’s this sense that we’re kind of going against the tide, swimming against the tide, right? people they mean well. You know, the our relatives who tell us don’t quit your day job and you know, stay where it’s secure and all that. I mean, they they mean well, of course. They’re not telling us give up your dream, you know, just work for a living.

Debra Maldonado (17:31.099)
Well, some say that’s crazy. I mean, I’ve heard people say, What that’s crazy. What are you doing? Like you have a great job.

Dr. Rob (17:38.594)
Maybe our our our friends might say that.

Debra Maldonado (17:41.239)
Yeah. No, my family told me. Well, my mom, every time I quit a job and she’d be like, What are you doing that for? You have such a great good thing going. Like, don’t take it like she was she’s very risk averse. So and yeah.

Dr. Rob (17:43.52)
Your valley too, yeah.

Dr. Rob (17:52.759)
Yes. But the the research shows in something interesting that we’re not afraid of failure. We’re more afraid of the story we tell ourselves of what failure means. Yes. Because in a sense, we’ve already failed if we’re not pursuing our dream. It’s already there. It’s already happened. but the the idea that I’m gonna

Debra Maldonado (18:06.411)
that’s good.

Dr. Rob (18:20.884)
announce to everyone that I’m gonna try this and I’m gonna try to do something big or something that’s unique to my passion. what if I fail at that? Would it be the end of me, right? Would it spell the the end of my myself, the way I conceive of myself with this dream? will that die completely? Will that go away? Yeah.

Debra Maldonado (18:43.846)
Mm-hmm.

Will I lose all hope? Yeah. Well, I think even more than the story, I always talk about that I in the story lies an emotional pain that we’re gonna feel regret or grief or anger or or kind of shame, you know, around the because we’re we told everyone we’re pursuing this and it doesn’t work. And what is everyone gonna think? My family’s gonna go, How’s that working out for you? Are you doing what you know, th it like questioning us and then we feel worse. So we that we’re afraid they’re gonna not be supportive or or make

you know, judge us, right? And judge ourselves for our inability. And yeah, and I think that so the first what would you say would be the first thing for people that are having those thoughts and fears to s begin to like break you know, not let that stop them? What would be a good good thing? Like how I mean, of course we always say a coach is priceless at this point, because when you have a coach

Dr. Rob (19:36.995)
Yeah.

Debra Maldonado (19:44.582)
They’re going to help you question those thoughts. They’re going to help you get to the root of what those, what’s underneath all those thoughts, especially a Jungyan coach, we talk about the unconscious and the drives and the complexes and a lot more instead of just changing your posit to positive thinking, you have to get to that emotional root of what it what is it that you’re really afraid of? And they can help you break out of that pattern of the of the condition pattern of that behavior that’s holding you back.

Dr. Rob (20:05.208)
Yeah.

Dr. Rob (20:13.398)
Yeah, and and from our approach, because we are up against a huge obstacle in a sense, our own mind, our our own condition mind, we have to bring out the big guns. We really have to think about what are the powerful tools that we have to make our dream happen. Because if we don’t, if we don’t take it that seriously, it’s not gonna

Debra Maldonado (20:22.417)
Hm.

Dr. Rob (20:42.838)
It’s not gonna happen. We’re just not gonna do it. It requires discipline, strategy, commitment, all those things that people talk about. But those are the things that really make our life meaningful. Because think about what they are. These are powerful emotions that I’m committed to something bigger than myself, that I I dedicate my time and effort.

and study to this work. Those things are really what we call a meaningful life, meaningful work, a meaningful existence. So th though they are challenging, though they require well kind of a lot of discipline, they give us the the most.

Debra Maldonado (21:36.988)
Well, I think the key here is we fear this, but it’s what we need. And that is like we need the discomfort because that is that actually working rubbing against the discomfort is we’re hitting our comfort zone and we’re y we’re seeing what’s stopped us all along. When we start pursuing your goal, it all the things that are that held us back unconsciously will show up so we could see them. But the second one is the identity shift. We have to change our

center of consciousness from the ego to this true self, the part of us, that voice in us that says, I want to change the world. I want to make a world a better place. And and a lot of times, especially many of our our clients are qu from corporate, they’re in the corporate job, they have the identity of executive or C suite titles, or maybe they’re a CEO or a doctor or a lawyer. And they have this like identity wrapped around this success in

The way the world wants them to be successful. And it’s we have to learn to let go of that persona and step into the role that we want to step into. And there’s a lot of hesitation. It’s again, it’s what we need to face, but at the same time, the ego is terrified because it’s losing, it’s built itself around that conditioning and around that social acceptance of this title that you’ve earned or this standing in your life, or even the financial success that you’ve had.

Like what if I lose it all? You know, all that like you built up in your life, it’s like, why would I walk away from that? And it’s a very, very strong, powerful, powerful challenge, but it also it it’s what we need to do in order to step into what we I had to leave marketing, corporate marketing Deborah to be a hypnotherapist. And my friends were like, Who is she now?

they call me the Debbie Lama. Yeah, they because I started getting into you know what I did for a living. They stopped seeing me as that place, but it took a while for them to see me in this new role. And I had to let go of the comfort of my paycheck and the the the this insurance and all the things that I had. but it was very short-lived sacrifice because within 18 months I was back to my corporate salary.

Debra Maldonado (23:52.854)
And I was happier than I’ve ever been in my life. And so you think you’re giving your ego will tell you you’re gonna give it up and it’s gonna tell you the worst case scenario. And then everyone’s gonna abandon you and they’re gonna think you’re you’re gonna be a fool. And what what happens is the opposite. Like I said, my friends started calling me the Debbie Lama. They started calling me anytime they had a problem with their life, they thought I was this wise woman all of sudden because I stepped into that role. And

That’s it it you you’d be surprised for me. I was surprised at how everyone embraced my new self and we think everyone’s gonna judge it, but I I was surprised at how welcoming everyone was and supportive, which was really interesting. Before I did it, I had a little pushback, but once I was doing it, it was like everyone was like, Wow, look at her. I inspired so many people to do it. I mean, I remember when I first met you, I to I told Rob, I’m like, I keep.

Dr. Rob (24:44.526)
Yeah.

Debra Maldonado (24:47.237)
getting people and they’re they’re going to my hypnotherapy school and Rob and I are like, why don’t we create our own school where I’m inspiring so many people to pursue their dreams. I mean, they would sit in my office and they’d I’d say, What do you want to do? What do you want to work on? So they’re like, I really want to do what you do. I really want to do something like you do. I want to help others. And so I felt like by me being in my power, it it’s infectious. People want to do like and especially you making it work and and dedicating yourself and like it’s going to work.

and be really honed in on that, it’s very inspiring to people. So it’s not only for you, but think about the ripple effect and other people being inspired to take that leap and change their lives.

Dr. Rob (25:28.198)
Yeah, and and I and I think to get there and to help people get there, we need to understand the nature of the ego. because again, it it’s neither good nor bad. A lot of people make the ego this terrible enemy kind of situation, but it’s not that. It it’s its nature and it evolved over millions of years to make sure that we bond with each other.

that we’re able to fit into a group and and kind of damp down our own desires and and ideas and let others collaborate with us, right? Kind of fit into a tribe, a family, a society. So we need the ego for that. Without the ego we couldn’t do it. We’d be too selfish, too s too idealistic maybe. we wouldn’t fit in.

We would stand out like a sore thumb essentially. So we need to learn that the lessons of the ego, which is to build a persona, as Jong says, a personality that people can relate to and and admire and like and accept. If we don’t do that task, then we’re for the rest of our lives kind of trying to catch up and trying to build some self-esteem and and some sense of I and a strong ego.

So we need a strong ego to get to the point where we say, I’m ready to pursue my dreams. I I’m ready to go for my passion.

If we don’t understand the nature of it, then it’s very difficult because the ego will continue to tell us the to avoid failure, like you were saying. Why would you give up your secure job to pursue this uncertain job of building your business or chasing your dream, right?

Debra Maldonado (27:33.948)
Well, the ego doesn’t have an imagination. It doesn’t it can’t see forward. It only can look backwards. And so if it doesn’t have evidence of that you’ve done it before, it doesn’t like new things. So it’s calculating what what it knows and it’s like, Well, I don’t know that. So let’s stay with what I know. I know if I show up at work every day I’m gonna get that paycheck and I’m gonna get that promotion and then I have my two week vacation and I can have my beautiful home and my nice brand new car and

Dr. Rob (27:46.178)
That’s right.

Debra Maldonado (28:02.905)
you know, beautiful clothes and have this great lifestyle. And if I do that, that could all go away. So why don’t we just stay?

Dr. Rob (28:13.068)
Yes, but we know that that’s an overblown kind of control assumption that the ego’s making. Because we know nothing is for certain, even if you stay in your cubicle, for as long as they allow you to. yeah, exactly.

Debra Maldonado (28:19.599)
Yeah, yeah.

Debra Maldonado (28:31.619)
I got laid off. I I was laid off. There the the universe was like, go, it’s time. Stop putting this off.

Dr. Rob (28:39.724)
Yeah. So it’s not as secure as the ego makes it sound. it’s a little bit more predictable, we could say, but trusting in yourself and and learning to trust in yourself. I say cultivating those qualities, those skills where you can depend on yourself in the long run is a lot wiser because then

Debra Maldonado (29:06.053)
Mm-hmm. Well, you it’s more secure to be in charge of your own destiny. And if you’re not individuated, if you’re living from ego and you’re living from that persona, you are have no power. There’s no free will there. You you are like basically leaving it up to fate. And if you have awake and and and I really love that like our youngin’ coach training and all of our coach training, we help people individuate from the ego and help them become their true self.

Dr. Rob (29:08.298)
More secure, exactly. Yes.

Debra Maldonado (29:35.906)
It it actually helps them on that journey to make that entrepreneurial leap, you know, because we have to see cultivate another part of ourselves that is not the ego, and we need tools to do that. I think that one of and again, one of the most critical things is coaching is so critical for this. This is what coaches do. They help you move from point A to point B.

And that gap that chasm between you and where you are now and where your dream is is a is a is a very confusing, chaotic, scary journey sometimes. And then if you have someone to help you that’s standing by your side and telling you to keep going, telling you what you’re experiencing is normal, it that’s gonna make all the difference. And I think that’s what made the difference for me. I hired a coach like four months after I s I left my school and started my own business.

I hired a coach and I didn’t even know there was a such thing as a coach. A friend of mine told me, I have a business coach. I’m like, what is that? And we ended up doing a lot of inner work, which was about the mindset, about Eastern philosophy. And that was me was a game changer. And I saw my other colleagues that went to school with me didn’t have a coach and they were still trying to figure it out on their own or putting it off and and I was going for it. And my I hear I I sent so many people to that school. They

Dr. Rob (30:56.94)
Mm-hmm.

Debra Maldonado (31:02.831)
The my friends that have gone said they she talks about you all the time because you’re one of those people that made it happen, you know. And it’s one thing to get a training, but the next thing is you have to make it happen. And you have to and you know, having something like individuation in your training like we do helps you prepare for that transition where you’re not just learning techniques and then you’re I’m a coach now, but you haven’t done the inner development to make that transition of ego.

Dr. Rob (31:15.896)
Yeah.

Debra Maldonado (31:32.496)
to your true self.

Dr. Rob (31:35.247)
A couple of the things that have come down to us primarily from Eastern philosophy, but also from current perceptual neuroscience, i is this fact that we know now the brain tends to create our reality based on what we expect to see. So expectation we can say.

He’s going to guide your perception to show you the the things in your environment that match your expectations. Now, what what does that mean in practical terms, especially for somebody who’s thinking of going for their their vision, making their dreams come true? Well, it means this: that if you don’t work with your mind.

To expand that vision, to clarify that vision for yourself, then the mind will always show you the past conditioning of your experiences. What can you expect from your life? If you don’t give it anything new through imagination, through cultivating your vision, then it simply goes back to its past experiences and says, well, in

Similar experiences as you are in in your current situation, we experience this. So we can expect to experience it again. And it simply just uses our past experiences, our past conditioning to reconstruct our our present situation. Now it literally constructs it, it meaning it chooses things from the environment that match those earlier expectations.

Debra Maldonado (33:29.305)
As a reinforcer, right?

Dr. Rob (33:32.006)
yeah, it’s kind of a it’s more like a predicting machine. The brain essentially functions as a way to predict what is going to happen in the next moment in this environment.

Debra Maldonado (33:45.817)
And so that prediction is based on our assumptions.

Dr. Rob (33:49.185)
On our assumptions, on our past experiences, unless we’re operating at a higher level and are using now that understanding, that principle to supplement instead of letting the brain use past conditioning, past expectations, now we’re giving it new information and saying this is a new vision that we’re expecting, that we expect to see.

And what so what it does

So what it does is the same principle applies. The brain is going to pick out things that match your expectations, but now it’s using your vision to guide that movement forward. And so it starts to show you opportunities in your current environment that match your vision for yourself.

Debra Maldonado (34:52.077)
I when I first was in my thirties, I was dabbling with I want to do something different and went to massage school and then I did energy healing workshops and yeah, a bunch of different things. And I saw my friend and the assumption I had was you can’t make a lot of money doing what you love. Like you have to have a corporate job. Like people that pursue what they love, it they don’t make any money. And the people I was seeing, like my colleagues and and friends and even teachers,

They were not making any money as healers. And I thought, like, why would I leave my nice job? This is great to do it. But I I I I I was kind of doing it part-time and with friends and all that. But I I felt like I can’t leave because look at them. I and so are you saying that like so for my assumption I was surrounded by my mind start only notices the people that reinforce that assumption or that reflect that assumption.

And then it kind of has a compounding effect because now you see it out there and then yeah, my assumption’s true.

Dr. Rob (35:51.491)
Yeah.

Dr. Rob (35:57.145)
Very much so. if you have the assumption that your idea won’t work, what you your brain will do is it will tend to remember and pick out instances that reinforce that of why it won’t work. So when somebody says, maybe a friend says, are you sure you know what you’re doing? That that might not work.

That will really hit right and it’ll s your brain will say, Hold on to that because that’s important.

Debra Maldonado (36:29.209)
And you think it’s coming from them, but all the doubts and things hear voices you hear out there and people’s attitudes towards you about it are only reflecting yourself. And so I got to the point where I felt like I had I had no choice. Like you get to the point where you just I said, I don’t care if I have to live in a studio apartment and drive a beatable car. I just want to do what I love. So I I was like wet ready to let go.

Dr. Rob (36:39.022)
That’s right.

Debra Maldonado (36:59.337)
of not having any money, like not like I was just assuming that I’ll be fine, you know, I’ll just I just want to be happy. And what happened was the opposite. When I let go of that attachment to that security, I got more s I got more security. Like I didn’t I didn’t have the reference point for it. And I remember people thinking, you know, learning about the mind and learning about how my where money comes from in my in my training. And I was, this is all this new new ideas.

And so here’s here’s one thing I want to say about that is that you don’t know until you cross that threshold of the resources and the change and all the people that will support you and how the I’m getting all emotional how the universe supports you to let your dream happen, but you can’t see it until you commit and take that threshold. And it’s there’s a great quote by it’s often misquoted by Goethe, but it’s about being bold and that

That when you take that move that forward, the universe moves with you. Like it’s going to conspire to help you be successful. And we don’t see it when we’re still in our little cute little room and the little dog and like petting the cat, and we’re not on the adventure. But when you’re on the adventure, I mean so many people, helpers, people wanting to buy my services, people wanting to help me.

write my book. I mean, everything can’t became possible after I made that decision. And so it really comes down to, you know, it’s like stepping into the void, but knowing the void will catch you. And it really is, it’s such a like like I got all emotional because it’s such when you feel that the the soul, your soul in you is going to take care of you versus the world out there is going to take care of you. It’s like there’s there’s nothing else like that.

Nothing. Nothing. And I live a lifestyle that I could have never thought I could live when I was in the corporate world. And just amazing. And then I met this wonderful man who when you step into your purpose, the relationships change and you have different friendships and people that light you up, it’s it’s really amazing.

Dr. Rob (39:15.302)
I think that’s a good way to put it is that we’re either led by our vision and our purpose, or we’re led by these external goals of security, predictability, consistency, that kind of stuff. again, there there’s nothing wrong when it’s a choice. Like that, that’s my measure of success. If you’re really choosing that life of predictability.

Great, it’s working for you. You’re doing it. But it’s a it has to be a real choice. Most people are in their cubicles or in their corporate positions, not because they chose it, but because they think there’s that’s all I can do.

Debra Maldonado (40:00.978)
There’s no other tr they don’t have a choice, right? They don’t have it.

Dr. Rob (40:03.168)
Exactly, exactly. And that’s a very different proposition because there you’re essentially expressing this learned helplessness, right, that some psychologists have talked about where it’s kind of a giving up, no longer striving to transcend yourself and just saying

Maybe this is as good as it gets and and stopping there. And Jung’s message, really the message of his psychology is that we never stop growing. As long as there’s one more day to live, you might experience something completely different than yesterday. You’re stepping into the future, into a new opportunity, new sense of you. And

Debra Maldonado (40:58.971)
Predictability is overrated. And I love this idea that the dre the dream is not something you’re pursuing. It’s something that’s pursuing you. Your dream is inside of you, pursuing you, and it’s not going to stop. are you going to keep refusing it? Right? Are you gonna let yourself refuse it? And

Dr. Rob (41:01.602)
Yes. That’s right.

Dr. Rob (41:11.456)
yeah.

Debra Maldonado (41:24.815)
I think, you know, when I was a hypnotherapist, I did tons of past life regressions, whether you believe in past lives or not. But I think this is really profound, is that every single person, I did hundreds of them, and whether or not they were imaginary or not, but the their last words, I always do like your last word on your deathbed in that life, and they all said the same three words. What a waste.

Like they feel like they didn’t live the life they wanted to. And it was they were looking at these ordinary lives that are, you know, all the problems. And it’s like, what I what did I do with my life? Why didn’t I live my purpose? So I feel like there is part of our soul that is we’re here for a reason. We’re not here to escape the world. We’re here to be a part of a contribution to the world and and and giving back. It’s very selfish to not express your gifts to the world.

If I never stepped out, I think about all the people I inspired to do their what they love. And I I see them on Facebook now, like it’s been two decades of them starting their businesses and doing things, writing books, even be finding love and stepping out of their patterns. I think, wow, what if I didn’t step into that, I wonder, you know, maybe someone else would have helped them, but what an impact I made in the world. And that’s really what you’re doing it, not for yourself and not for your comfort, but there’s people in the world that

need your need your gifts that need you to be all you can be. And the most more important person is you that you need to count on yourself. And there’s nothing more powerful than finding that way to count on yourself and no bet on yourself that that if you can trust in your you and yourself and you never have to be afraid anymore.

Dr. Rob (42:53.346)
Yeah.

Dr. Rob (43:12.542)
Yeah. I it reminds me, yeah, what you’re saying, it reminds me of this kind of romantic idea. because i I don’t really see it as judgmental, but it i it can sound a little bit like that. But I think it comes from the Gita where Krishna is saying, if you don’t express the fullness of your being, right? If you don’t f pursue self realization, you’re stealing

Debra Maldonado (43:13.465)
So wonderful topic.

Dr. Rob (43:41.954)
From humanity.

Debra Maldonado (43:44.569)
You’re taking up space.

Dr. Rob (43:46.841)
Well, if you if you think about our gifts, in other words, we’re all given these gifts, talents, skills, intelligence, dreams. Yeah. If we don’t express them, we’re kind of hoarding them. We’re saying, Yeah, this is this is important to me, but I want it for me and I’m not going to do anything with it because I’m afraid of failure or because I’m afraid of what Yeah. Yeah.

Debra Maldonado (43:56.177)
Passions.

Debra Maldonado (44:13.169)
What do people think?

Dr. Rob (44:16.46)
That it’s i it’s is kind of a stealing from others because if this these gifts were given to you, they’re meant to be expressed in the world. They’re meant to contribute something to the universe. And if we don’t do that, if we don’t take that as that’s part of our reason for being alive and being in this world, then we’re not fulfilling our sacred duty.

Which is the expression of that purpose.

Debra Maldonado (44:51.545)
And purpose isn’t a a career. It could be that could it like I think coaching fulfills a lot of my passions, writing and teaching and spiritual development and all those things. So it really is pr a perfect ideal career, but it doesn’t have to be coaching. It could be something that lights you up or two different careers. Maybe you’re doing art and maybe you’re doing yoga, and you love the, you know, the the whole Eastern philosophy and studying Eastern texts and teaching wisdom. I mean

it it doesn’t have to be one thing, but you can make that your career or make a a way to make money through what you love and and you find you be creative with it and you get to be happy every day instead of dreading waiting for the weekends, you know, and having that pit in your stomach on Sunday nights going, I gotta go back to the office with Mr. Smith is gonna be yelling him up for his report and

Dr. Rob (45:43.926)
I remember well.

Debra Maldonado (45:49.126)
You know, my colleagues gonna fight for my that promotion that we’re both competing for and what looking at the clock, is it ready to go? Or working at crazy hours, never getting thanks, 70 hours a week. bringing work on your vacation, you don’t even get vacation. I mean, what kind of life are we living? You know? So I and I think it’s time. I think the world needs people stepping into the purpose more than ever. If you look at the world, I mean politically divides, wars,

Dr. Rob (46:15.862)
Hm.

Debra Maldonado (46:19.119)
you know, diseases and just climate change. I mean everything is kind of coming at once. I mean the world world always has problems. But but we can be we can be a a vehicle for change in the world and what a powerful thing to be a part of something. We might not be able to change the whole world, but if we can like help a little piece of it and we when on our deathbed we won’t be saying what a waste or have any regrets. You want to die with zero regrets. You want to say

I gave it it all. I gave it my all. And life was a wonderful ride versus me just playing it safe. And really there I always say there’s nowhere to fall because we are spirit. We’re not we’re not the ego. So when we go through, you know, when our body dies, we’re still alive. Like there’s nothing that can destroy us. And to know that we’re invincible that way is really a powerful thing. But it takes study, it takes understanding philosophy, it takes understanding psychology.

And preparing yourself and your mind for this great journey and having support along the way. And I highly, highly recommend coaching as a way to do it, because they’re just priceless when it comes to reaching your dreams. Yeah.

Dr. Rob (47:23.726)
Yeah.

Dr. Rob (47:35.031)
Yes, let’s build, let’s create community. Right. That that should be our mantra right now. That’s what we need. And i if you had some advice for people that are, like you said, at the edge right now. They’re you know, they’re looking for what is the next step for me in pursuing my dream. What would you what advice would you give them?

Debra Maldonado (47:39.76)
Yes.

Debra Maldonado (47:44.337)
Yeah.

Debra Maldonado (48:02.331)
Do what scares you. Because that is exactly where it’s the opposite of where your ego wants to go. So do something that scares you. And know that the like even if you let’s say you have this great corporate job. Like for me, I knew always knew I could probably just get another marketing job if I wanted to, if it didn’t work out. Like I always knew, like whatever you experience you have, it’s not like you cannot go back. you might have to have a bridge.

maybe there’s a a time where the your corporate job is a dream funder while you work a side gig until you’re ready to go full time. But but just being in it, even if you’re doing it side by side with your dream funder job, it’s is you’re living it. And it’s so such a different feeling than than just sitting there going, I wanna start one day. I wanna start one day. And you wake and you’re just every year that goes by, it’s New Year’s Day and you’re like, What did I do last year? I I could

I said I was going to make a change this year and I didn’t. And you’re only disappointing yourself. And when we do that, we lower our confidence and our and each time we say no to ourselves, we lower our confidence to be able to say yes to ourself the next time. So it’s you just do it. Just do it as I say, Nike says. And it really is it’s it is uncomfortable, but it’s the most beautiful discomfort you’ll ever feel. It is the most beautiful.

transformation personally that you’ll ever feel go for going for your dreams. It’s a psychological transformation that happens when you do that. It’s not just about you moving to another place in the physical world and being in another job or another career. It’s about you psychologically transitioning and transforming yourself into someone who’s more aligned with their soul and their purpose. Beautiful thing.

Dr. Rob (49:49.656)
Right.

Dr. Rob (49:55.595)
It is.

Debra Maldonado (49:57.337)
All right. Well, we will see you next week on another episode. I wanna leave with you is take take one action this week that makes you a little scared, even if it’s just researching something that you want to seek your purpose. I hope this inspires you if you are s standing at the edge of that water already, or if you aren’t even aware that you have a purpose yet, maybe it’s starting to bubble up and it’s starting to you’re starting to feel it and say, hmm, this makes a lot of sense.

And and Rob and I can attest it’s it’s w the water’s warm. Come on in. It’s a beautiful place. All right, have a great week, everyone.

Dr. Rob (50:35.468)
Yeah.

Dr. Rob (50:38.927)
Thank you for listening. See you soon.

Debra Maldonado (50:40.336)
Yeah, take care. Bye-bye.